The man-made structure melted before I could make up my mind. “War is peace, freedom is slavery, and thinking is stupid,” said my thoughts as they tormented me once more.
“What hoots,” I whispered to myself, “wise in their minds and dumb with their hands. No. They’re “differently-abled.” Sometimes I believe the projects they make will melt the eyes of myself and others when we glance upon them as if they were created by Medusa’s child. They do not know of their incompetence when in reality, they have everything they ever needed all along.”
Our bed was pressed down with the weight of both of our bodies, and the room was dark, spacious, and thoughtful. “Almost midnight,” I thought to myself as the nightly landscape caught my attention once again. We love the view, the stained-glass windows, the red and gold curtains gently moving side to side in the wind… The house is perfect in our eyes.
I turned my head, and my eyes rested upon her. My mind, sometimes calm and peaceful, flooded me with a storm of emotions as her lips drew upwards. “Her face, my God, her face. She smiles when she sleeps. My one and only makes the night feel bright as day. Why fate brought her to me is beyond me. She is my dear, my everything, my love. They say there are more fish in the sea, but they didn’t tell me that she’s the only fish I want to see!” I laughed at my own, spontaneous joke, wondering if I should take the comedian class she signed us up for.
The future… “Ahh yes, the future, such is what I contemplate in a room lit with only the lustrous light of the moon.” My mind yelled at me with a silent voice, telling me to get a job for my family, even though we are… Financially independent. That’s putting it lightly, considering both of us are millionaires. Many hard days together, a lot of blood, sweat, and tears are behind us now as we relish in the rewards of our efforts. I chose to be an influencer, and she chose to be a banker. You could say we complete each other, she loves my personality and I love the extra interest. Haha. What are the odds I would start as a comedian, struggle to barely get by, and find myself making seven digits a year as an influencer? Slim to none. And besides, this job is a large reason why we’re so satisfied together – we take vacations whenever we want, we go to the doctor whenever we want, and we love each other whenever we want – it’s a hard place to get to, but we’re glad that we got to it.
My mind. My worst enemy. My best friend. It is the reason I stay awake, entertaining the hurricane of thoughts and images that leaves no structure in its wake. “Why must I be so paradoxical, when a peaceful mind is all I need?” I asked myself. “I must calm myself, for her, so we may wake tomorrow and love each other. I must tame the beast and put him to sleep, even if only for a day. An hour. A minute. I must be everything I can be, instead of being everything I shouldn’t be.”
My plea was not heard as the negative thoughts quickly took hold of my being yet once more. They showed me my worst fears as images that endlessly swirled around in my mind, tormenting me, preventing my so-desired escape into the world of my dreams. Abandonment. Loneliness. Shame. The things I never had to fear were the things I feared the most. “I’m so glad I have self-control,” I sarcastically muttered to myself. “Oh no, I don’t know what I’m afraid of! Please, show me again! Show me until I understand!” I thought in a mocking tone. I caught myself and calmed down.
“Why do I do this to myself,” I asked directly, looking for a simple answer. “Because, deep down, you desire it,” came the answer. Simple, yes, but not what I wanted to hear! At least I knew the issue – I could fix it if I had the willpower. “The willpower which doesn’t exist in you,” the voice whispered in the dark.
“Positivity,” I said to myself, “positivity. Why do I love her? Because her heart glows like a candle in the darkness of my mind. Because her words are as soft as silk and her touch as gentle as an autumn breeze. Because she is a goddess from heaven who chose to stay on earth and bless me for all eternity. And besides, do I need a reason to love her? Must I tell myself why? I simply wish to love her, to see her in my bed for as long as I live… Perhaps for no reason other than that, I do.”
I looked at her, and my dream of being a comedian transformed into the protector archetype, almost immediately. “I will do anything to make sure she is safe, to make sure I hear the ruffling of her bathrobe in the morning, her light footsteps in the hallway. I want to share the small moments for the rest of my life. I’ll treasure them as precious memories never to be forgotten, to always be cherished and remembered, to be hers and mine alike. What she does that is effortless for her means more to me than she will ever know. Her little acts of love-“
I suddenly remembered that I had to fix our refrigerator unless I wanted our food to slowly spoil overnight. I told myself I would do it hours ago, but I let myself be distracted by holding her in my arms until she fell asleep. Determination could be seen in my forehead, and the bed made a slight creek as I arose to quench the thirst of curiosity. It was time to do some research!
“How… To… Fix… Refrigerator… Power cord.” My office is spacious with many books lining the walls. I love reading in my spare time, and I’ll often read in there when I’m not working or researching. The search engine gave me a plethora of results, so many that I just clicked the first one I saw.
“Has your refrigerator stopped working? Let’s find the solution!
Most problems with your fridge require a professional’s attention. These things are complicated, and you don’t want to accidentally mess anything up by putting the wrong thing in the wrong place.
But, maybe you can’t wait until tomorrow. Maybe it’s the weekend, and your food is going to spoil before they can arrive! We get it. Luckily for you, if the cord is your only problem, you can fix it yourself in a couple of minutes with the right tools and a bit of elbow grease.
Here’s how!”
I scrunched my forehead in concentration as I continued reading. According to the experts, I had to take out the old cord and replace it with a new one. The only problem was, our old cord blew sooner than we expected, and the new one wouldn’t arrive ’til Friday. It had to be fixed tonight unless I wanted to put everything in the coolers, run down to the 24/7 mini-mart, and buy enough ice to last us a few days. I was confident in my ability to fix the cord, but only if this post was going to be helpful… And, it was not – it was all fluff and no substance. “You missed your opportunity to attract new viewers,” my entrepreneur mind observed as disappointment began to rise within me.
I clicked away from the article and found a different one.
“To fix your power cord, unplug it from the outlet and check to see where the cord has been damaged.
-Check the copper wires to see if they’re frayed.
-Check the casing to see if any noticeable gaps could invite wear and tear to the “guts” of the cord.
-Check the outlet and the cord prongs to make sure they’re stable and intact.
-Take off the back casing and check where the wire is connected to the unit. If the part of the cord that’s damaged is inside your refrigerator, you may need to call a professional.
Once you’ve identified the problem, unscrew the holding screws on a new plug and remove the old one from your refrigerator by…”
My facial expression changed as masculine anger began to rise within me. The article was titled, “how to fix your refrigerator power cord,” not “how to replace your refrigerator power cord!” I knew what was happening – they wanted to draw people in with their title and take the easy way out by saying, “Hey, you should just get a new cord!” Monetarily speaking, this was the smallest deal in the world to me, but it was the principle of the thing that made me consumed with righteous anger.
I’ve always believed that authenticity is very important for those of us who work online, so I will not accept nor tolerate those who are simply trying to make some quick money from people who have real problems. Once again, I clicked away from the article, and this time I added the website to my blacklist.
“Third time’s the charm,” I whispered to myself. This one looked promising – thousands of happy reviews, a layout that was very smooth and expensive, and it even had a little sidebar with interesting facts on the right side of the screen!
“Did you know that…
The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper?
What is called a “French kiss” in the English-speaking world is known as an “English kiss” in France?
Ginger stimulates the feelings of excitement associated with sex?”
My belly lifted with laughter and my eyebrows lifted towards the sky when I read the third one. “I’ll have to tell her about that,” I said to myself, smiling as I did so. I felt relieved and relaxed, happy that I took the time to divert my attention away from my duties and learn the most random-but-interesting facts I’ve ever heard of.
I kept reading, and they weren’t going to tell me their solution until the very end. But wait, there was the answer, right at the very bottom! Yes! This article told me exactly what I needed to know!
I knew exactly what to do!
My momentary excitement was soon consumed with humorous sarcasm. “I suppose the previous articles were a blessing – if they told me what I wanted to know, I wouldn’t have found this website and had a good laugh. Ironic. I gain time when I waste time. Now, let’s assume I’m in The Quiet House – one loud noise, and she’ll be a tad unhappy!”
I got up and made my way to the shop with a sense of duty, a mission to accomplish. “Hopefully I’ll remember where I put my tools. When I do, I’m rich, and when I don’t, I’m embarrassed. My mind takes every opportunity to swallow my positivity, chew it up, and spit out the remains. If I can’t find where I put them… Well, I’ll find where I put them. That’s for sure. I’ll find them if it’s the last thing I do.”
In my hustle and haste, I didn’t hear my goddess’s soft footsteps as she came walking up behind me on that cool summer night. Her hug was a warm blanket as she grabbed ahold of me from behind and gently rested her head on my left shoulder. I ceased my restlessness, and I slowly caressed her cheek with my right hand, allowing her to relax her head into my palm. We stayed like this for what felt like forever, and I believe both of us wanted it to last a lifetime.
“Why?” She asked in a soothing and curious voice.
“I’m trying to find my pliers,” I said in a low, soft tone. She tightened her grip.
“Come to bed with me,” she said in a quivering voice. Her body began to shake. “I want us to be together in the morning.”
I grasped both of her hands and held them within mine. So delicate, so soft. She began to cry, and I quickly turned around to embrace her, tears flowing from her face and sobs coming from her throat. I put my left hand behind her head and pressed her into my chest while bringing her body closer to me with my right. I felt her relax as she continued to release her emotions, a kind of sadness that showed me yearned for connection, a kind of sadness I often felt before we met 3 years ago.
“I love you.”
She didn’t respond, but she didn’t have to. Her crying soon ceased and she looked me in the eyes with a look I knew very well. I responded with a look of my own; ‘yes, my dear, I will always be here for you. Always.’ I took her hand and led her towards the house. I could always fix it tomorrow.
We found ourselves in bed, passionately kissing each other goodnight. That’s when I remembered the thing I saw before. I had to ask…
“Love?”
“Yes?”
“Do we, by any chance, have any ginger?”
Her eyebrows furrowed together as she thought about it for a minute. “Yep! It’s ground-up… And, it’s in the top-left cabinet. Why do you ask?”
I winked at her and smiled. “Oh, it’s nothing. I’m thinking I’ll making us some smoothies tomorrow night…”