Gabriel Mohr

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On Scorpio Problems, and How To Solve Them

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Warning: This post gets as heavy as an anvil! Don’t proceed if you aren’t mentally prepared!

Quick Facts

-Scorpios are strong, tough, and sometimes very funny!

-They experience more damaging things than many other people do.

-They often have the ability to heal, improve, and realize themselves!

Intro

Scorpio is quite the mysterious sign, and this is often reflected in the personality of those born under it! So, in this post, we’ll talk about who they are, what their strengths and struggles are, how they can face them properly, and we’ll sum it all up in the end. This one’s going to be wild, so I hope you’re sitting down and mentally prepared!

Before we begin, please read my post on astrology as a whole – it provides a refreshing perspective on astrology and it aids in living a meaningful and fulfilling life. Okay, are you ready? Great! Onto the good stuff!

Who Is The Scorpio?

First of all, I feel as if some “credential flashing” is required before we go any further! After all, who am I to expose the problems of any sign and tell them what’s best for them, let alone a Scorpio? I can hear the skepticism from over here. But, don’t worry, part of the reason I’m writing this post is because I see a dire need for it!

  • 1. My sun, Mercury, Uranus, and Neptune are all in Aquarius, the 8th house, the house ruled by Pluto. This alone means I’m considered some kind of scary Aquarius-Scorpio hybrid, someone who has experienced Scorpio-like things, but also someone who can comprehend and analyze them. Because of this and other placements you’ll see below, I’m considered to have a “Pluto-dominant” chart, which means Pluto is the strongest and most influential planet in my life.
  • 2. My moon is in conjunction with Pluto in the 6th house, which for me, is ruled by Sagittarius. This is considered the aspect which lets someone have an advanced understanding of the mind and the human psyche. To put it into context, Carl Jung had his moon in conjunction with Pluto, and this aspect is largely thought to play a large role in his effectiveness, understanding, and success! Plus, Sagittarius is considered the sign that Scorpios benefit the most from evolving into, which means I’m considered a natural at the whole “analyze the Scorpio and tell them what’s good” thing :).
  • 3. My mars and Lilith are in Scorpio in the 5th house. If you didn’t know, this is a killer (*winks*) combination because these three energies amplify each other very well, and since they’re in the 5th house, you can say that’s part of the reason why I’m writing this post! 

With these three combinations, you can imagine the psychic and emotional pain I’ve gone through, especially when I took astrology more seriously!

Here’s my birth chart for reference:

  • 4. My father is an unenlightened Scorpio. I’ve lived with, studied, and observed him for a long time! Trying to help him and failing miserably helped me understand what to do when it comes to unenlightened Scorpios, especially since they’re one of the worst signs to be around while they’re still asleep.
  • 5. My grandmother is (mostly) an enlightened Scorpio. The older I become the more and more I realize just how enlightened she is, especially when compared to the life she lived when she was younger. She went through hell and back, and she chose to transform the pain and turn it into love for her family!
  • 6. My sister has her moon in Scorpio (I believe). She’s also a Libra, which means she will probably attempt to evolve into a Scorpio on the subconscious level for the rest of her life. I can see her going through a tough time right now, and as it stands, tough and intense experiences are coming at her all at once.
  • 7. I have listened to 400+ hours of Terrence McKenna tapes and lectures. He was a triple Scorpio, and he was also, truly, an enlightened Scorpio, hence why I found him so interesting. My studying of him also showed me how a Scorpio can live a healthy and enlightened life!
  • 8. Besides all of this, I’ve been through (more than) my fair share of intense and negative experiences. My father had (still has, although it’s getting better) anger issues and narcissistic tendencies. I’ve experienced self-hate that was so intense I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I worked jobs and hung around people who couldn’t care less about my wellbeing. On top of this, I had little-to-no self-esteem or confidence when I left the house, so I was improving myself all while feeling like I had no reason to love myself or anyone else around me. 

Not to mention some of the stories I’ve heard, the videos/pictures I’ve seen, and people I’ve met… Yikes.

Emotional pain isn’t new to me, and the intensity of it used to be… Quite awful. It’s gotten better over the years thanks to my dedication to self-improvement and self-realization. But also, I’ve had a lot of deep and meaningful subjective experiences, even going so far as to experience a full ego death! Some of these experiences were so unbelievably positive that I’m still blown away by them to this very day! 

So let’s answer the question: what is a Scorpio? I could give you the generic answer… “They’re the 8th zodiac in the list, they’re smart, and they have intense lives…” but that doesn’t cut it, not for a sign as magnificent as this one.

Scorpios are the ones who experience the strongest and deepest negative energies. This is usually the rule for Scorpios and Scorpio-dominants (those who have Pluto as the “true ruler” of their chart); they see death, they see what goes on behind-the-scenes in the government, they have the crappy stuff happen to them, they are the most depressed, sad, angry, etc. This is the core common denominator between almost every single Scorpio on the planet in one way or another! I haven’t met a Scorpio who hasn’t experienced at least one negative experience that was so intense it still affects them to this day (sometimes 30+ years later).

To someone like me, working as an officer isn’t as fulfilling as other occupations, but to some Scorpions, working as an officer is much, much better than doing some of the other stuff they’ve seen! Their perspective is often a lot different than other signs because they’ve seen “the bottom.” They know/experienced how deep it goes, how negative the world can be, and so, they are who I call “The Seers of Darkness.” Whether or not they become consumed by it… That’s a different story altogether.

What Are Their Strengths?

You Scorpios have no shortage of strengths, and the list I’m about to provide isn’t an exhaustive list of them! Rather, these are the strengths I’ve observed across many Scorpios. You can add each of your own, individual strengths here as well!

  • 1. Scorpios are often, well, strong in general! Many Scorpios have a strong build, a strong vibrational state, and a strong mind. They aren’t influenced very easily since many of them are “disillusioned” and they know exactly what/who they want! Since they aren’t influenced very easily they often influence other people to think of things from their perspective, sometimes without even knowing about it.
  • 2. These guys know how to think, and I mean really think. They often have a Type D personality, which means they have a strategic and “what’s the ultimate goal here?” kind of mindset. From what I’ve observed, it depends on how “enlightened” the Scorpio is that determines how interested and capable they are of thinking deeply and coming to meaningful conclusions. Nevertheless, a lot of you do, and a lot of you who don’t are… In need of growth, let’s say 😉
  • 3. One of their stronger traits is the ability to have “a sense of history” and “a sense of the divine eternal.” Many of you guys believe in God because you feel this sense of the divine eternal, and a lot of you go to church regularly. As far as history goes, the more you study it, the more you make it, so not only do you guys have access to an amazing emotional state, but you have the power to create history in the right direction!
  • 4. You’re funny as hell! Perhaps this is my appreciation for dark and sarcastic humor shining through, however, you guys really have a knack for it! You also create some of the best satire I’ve ever seen.
  • 5. You’re amazing at making other people feel and release their deepest and darkest emotions. I don’t know if you know this, but getting other people to do this is extremely helpful since we tend to suppress our emotions, and since letting them out is usually very good for our emotional wellbeing. Often, you do this without even thinking about it! 
  • 6. Self-preservation is one of your strongest skills. (Almost) everyone has a sense of self-preservation, but you take it to the next level with your expensive houses, big trucks, big men, security systems, firearms, and even traps… No one’s getting any of your stuff, and if they do, there will be hell to pay!
  • 7. And lastly, you guys have a knack for initiating psychological death in other people. Terrence McKenna was a master of tackling weak and outdated psychological beliefs and structures and doing away with them, replacing them with updated, better ones. Many of you are as well! You do this by sharing the truth about the world and the human psyche, no matter how other people may perceive it.

You guys have a lot of strengths, and sometimes they’re taken for granted or go unnoticed! This is partially why I added them here, just so you know that someone is paying attention and that someone really does care! Also, having your eyes on my blog helps me make some money, so there’s that 😉

I have noticed that Scorpio-like problems, however, can be extremely difficult to deal with, usually because of the lasting psychological implications they leave on them (or rather, anyone they happen to). So, let’s delve into them and discuss the solutions.  This is where it gets heavy.

What Are Their Struggles? And How Can They Face Them?

As I’ve mentioned above, these guys usually face the worst of the worst. They’re the ones who witness murders, get kidnaped, join satanic cults, do large amounts of drugs, and hang out with people no one should be touching with a 39 ½ foot pole. Then, after they experience these things, the psychological damage lingers until they figure out how to heal themselves, or in many cases until they die. 

A prominent reason this happens is because of a lack of helpful support and effective methods that allow them to heal from their “stuff.” Doctors, pills, and psychologists are often the go-to for help, however, they often don’t know how to correctly deal with the root of the problem, and so many Scorpios begin to believe that “it is the way it is,” or even begin to feel a deep need for revenge. This part of the post aims to solve this issue by addressing the root of each problem, and afterward, creating positive emotions once the negativity is weakened or gone.

In many cases, it takes a long time for a Scorpio to heal from their stuff, and a lot of it has to do with consistent, psychological choice. IE, choosing to heal themselves every day for 1, 5, 10+ years. Sometimes there are only a few beliefs and feelings that create the trauma/negative emotion, however, often this is not the case. Because of this, I encourage you to be patient with yourself and redirect your mental efforts to the correct goal when you feel the time is right. This ties in with self-trust, something that I mention in a little while.

Lastly, please remember that confidence and love always wins! Most of the time, all you have to do is look back on your trauma with a confident smile and a lot of love.

Here is how to properly deal with the following problems:

After witnessing a murder

A double helping of trauma, anyone? The mental damage from witnessing a murder, especially if it’s committed from an especially angry/psychotic energy, is often considered to be permanent, or nigh unhelpable, by many psychologists. With Scorpios, though, there’s always a way out.

  • 1. Replay the murder in your mind again. Let your mind take you back to that moment, and let it play itself out. Let it show you what it wants to show you. Often enough, we remember traumatic events and experiences because we’re trying to find closure, and/or we want to learn a specific thing from the experience. Go ahead and create your own closure and ask yourself, “what can I learn from this?”
  • 2. If you complete the first step and you’re stuck in a loop, say or think, “I choose to process this and let it go. I choose to learn from it and let it go.” If you aren’t stuck in a loop, let your mind go wherever it wants to go. What you’re doing is you’re telling yourself it’s time to break the habit of negativity, it’s time to process the emotions and information being given to you, and it’s time to change how you live your life.
  • 3. After this, you may feel better, or you may still feel miserable; either way, the next step is to consistently tell yourself that you don’t need the negative feelings and that you’re switching to a positive perspective on the entire experience. You’re doing this because, when we feel a certain emotion for a long time, we begin to find it comfortable, up to the point of needing it in our lives.
  • “I choose to disidentify from the need to replay this event in my mind. I choose to disidentify from the need to feel negative. I choose to bring positivity into my life. I choose to find 3 good things this experience has taught me.” Finding the positive in the negative is a surefire way to break the loop because, when you inject positivity into it, that has a high chance of becoming part of the loop itself, thereby making it easier to heal from the traumatic experience.
  • 4. Keep doing this for as long as you feel you should! Witnessing a murder usually has a lot of psychic weight to it, so I don’t expect you to heal your mind like this overnight. However, with consistency and dedication, this method does work, whether it works sooner or later. 

You may also customize these steps however you please, do them in any order you’d like, mix and match them, etc. If something works better for you, then do it! However, if your custom technique doesn’t work (the best techniques are anti-technique in nature), please know that this one is guaranteed to work.

After suffering an emotionally abusive relationship

Emotionally abusive relationships often consist of one victim and one predator, usually someone with anger issues and/or narcissistic tendencies. There are subtler forms of emotional abuse that can be countered with confidence, but in this case, I’ll be giving the steps that help with problems as deep as those caused by narcissistic abuse. These steps also assume you haven’t been physically harmed, and that it’s purely emotional abuse. 

  • 1. Establish your sense of self from the inside out! This is done by repeating two simple lines, whether it be in your head or out loud: “I choose to feel my sense of self. I choose to disidentify from the belief that I’m not worthy.” As a general rule, it’s best to develop as much confidence and love as we possibly can before healing ourselves of our pain, and this is especially true when we face nasty truths about ourselves and our past, as we’re about to do. You can also create your own, personal way of establishing your sense of self.
  • 2. Once you feel confident (and only once you feel confident), you can look back on the relationship and remember the times they hurt you the most. You can ask yourself, “where was my fault in all of this?” and “how should I have responded to this properly?” The reason we’re doing this is because, often enough, it’s partially our fault we were abused, even if all we did was be around the wrong person at the wrong time. This is not always the case, however, in 95%+ of cases it is, so identifying your fault in the matter makes it easier to stop feeling and behaving in ways that attract these kinds of people into your life.
  • I ask you to be confident while you do this because it can be difficult to accept these hard truths that come about when you answer these questions to yourself. Confidence is a cushion that makes these truths easier to accept and integrate into everyday life without believing a thought such as, “I’m worthless, I should have known/done better.”
  • 3. Then, you can begin to improve yourself. Since you know where your fault was in the whole thing, take action to change the part(s) of yourself that allowed it to happen. Be prepared to say “no” to people who come along who are just like that! And of course, the more you improve yourself and consider your healing as your responsibility, the less apt you are to run across those kinds of people in the first place, and the higher your chances of a relationship with a high-quality person being able to flourish for years to come!

After suffering a physically (or physically *and* emotionally) abusive relationship

When it gets physical, things take a turn for the worse. A playful flick, a tap on the shoulder… No, I’m talking about physical abuse that’s much, much worse than this! Physical abuse from a parent, guardian, partner, and even a sibling or friend is common, but often very damaging, so I’ve outlined the way “out of the pit” and “towards the light.”

  • 1. Let’s increase your serotonin and oxytocin levels. This is (most effectively) done by sitting by yourself and repeating, “I choose to increase my serotonin and oxytocin levels.” Doing this lets these chemicals flow through your body, and it lets you become the kind of person abusers don’t associate with since abusive people are often consumed by fear and anger. Do this for as long as you feel you should, even if you’re still doing it 10 years later! (Usually, it takes less time than that :).)
  • 2. Afterward, let’s take good care of your paranoia. Paranoia is often present in an abusive relationship, it’s often very destructive, and it often lingers after the relationship ends. This is a simple process where we repeat, “I choose to disidentify from my paranoia. I choose to feel it. I choose to release it.” Doing this consistently (sometimes for many years) will lessen your fear of an attack, and it will make these next steps much easier to follow.
  • 3. Then, understand that they probably abused you out of fear and anger and that some of this fear/anger is probably a part of you now! This happens because, even if we aren’t easily influenced, we tend to subconsciously adopt the characteristics of the ones we hold (or held) dear, even if they’re terrible for our wellbeing. It’s not a guarantee this happened, but if it did, it wasn’t your energy to begin with and now it’s gotta go! 
  • You can say, “I choose to disidentify from my fear and anger. I choose to feel it. I choose to release it.” You can then say, “I choose to replace this anger with love,” effectively improving yourself!
  • 4. The last and most important step is to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Use your intuition to sense when a potential partner (or even a stranger) may be secretly afraid and/or angry, especially if they won’t talk to you about it (or if they lie about it). Just because you’ve been abused doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a good partner, and so I encourage you to keep improving yourself, and to keep looking out for yourself! The goal is to completely minimize the chance of it ever happening again. Doing this also builds self-trust!

After doing a lot of drugs

Permanently recovering from an addiction is rarely a walk in the park, but it’s quite possible nonetheless. You’re about to read an unconventional, yet effective way to cure additions that are as bad as methamphetamine or heroin addictions:

  • 1. The first step is to reach out to a clinic that specializes in therapy that introduces psychedelic substances! Depending on where you live, you will most likely find organizations that understand the power and significance of psilocybin, LSD, DMT, ibogaine, and more when it comes to treating addictions, and these are the people you’ll want to contact first. The ultimate goal is to have one or several psychedelic experiences, partially because they’ve been scientifically proven to be extremely helpful with curing addictions. Please participate in this kind of therapy for as long as you can/have to!
  • 2. After having the initial experiences, it’s important to address the pain that caused the addiction in the first place. Trauma is one of the leading causes of addiction along with emotional/psychological pain in general, so healing your trauma is the next big step. This can be done by consistently sitting down and feeling the trauma/negative pain that you feel. While you’re doing this, it’s helpful to create beliefs that look like, “I am permanently healing all of my trauma. I am processing and releasing my trauma. I am confident. I am loving.”
  • This step often takes others many years to fully accomplish, but when it’s done, you won’t have the need to become addicted any longer! It may also take a much shorter time, depending on an infinite variety of factors 🙂
  • 3. This third step is for those with especially addictive personalities. It’s possible to have a personality that’s especially prone to addiction, even if you aren’t in any psychological pain. One way to counter this is to tell yourself that you’re addicted to water. If you repeat, “my only addiction is water” to yourself over and over, you will begin to believe that you aren’t addicted to anything but water.
  • Alternatively, you can repeat to yourself, “I am not addicted to anything, and I never will be” for as long as you feel you should. 

After suffering rape

One of the worst things that can ever happen to a human being, rape often destroys the life of its victim. There are, however, ways to heal from the psychological pain, even pain that’s so terrible it’s considered incurable by many professionals. These steps help you no matter who you’ve become after the incident!

  • 1. Let it out. Let it all out! Cry, scream, pound something, run, lift weights. The longer you hold it in, the more it’s going to destroy you. Do it, and do it now!
  • 2. Then, let’s turn our attention towards trust and sexuality as a whole. If you’ve been raped, especially gang-raped, you probably fear people in general, especially crowded areas. You probably don’t trust them by instinct, and you’d probably rather not be around them at all. The answer to this is not to begin trusting other people, but to begin trusting yourself. If you trust yourself to do what you need/want to do, you can survive, and if you can survive, you can expand from there. Therefore, I encourage you to repeat, “I chose to trust myself” over and over, as much as you need to.
  • You most likely don’t want your partner messing around with your body. Or anyone, for that matter. Your sense of sexuality is probably damaged, and you may lack the desire for intimacy altogether or be hyper-sexual. The answer for this is choosing to process your sexuality-related trauma. You may do this by sitting alone and saying/thinking, “I choose to process this trauma” for as long as you feel you need to. It’s not necessary to process all of it in this step since we’ll be looking into it more in-depth later on.
  • 3. After you’ve done this, you can become a master of scouting out potentially dangerous people. You can begin to study human psychology, learn to see the signs, tell when someone is emotionally repressed, and tell when someone is on the “bottom of the pile,” so to speak. This part is surprisingly easy since reading body language, paying attention to how people carry themselves, and “feeling them out” are probably things you’ve been doing all along! However, this time it’s different since you’re confident in your ability to avoid potential attacks, and even to stop them should they arise. You can also take a martial arts course and/or register a firearm to help with this.
  • 4. After this, you can explore your sexuality with yourself first, then with others if you choose to. We did some processing before, but now it’s time to really dive into it and understand the depths of your sexual being. What do you like? What do you dislike? What would you do if you had the opportunity, and/or what would you have someone do to you? What are your fantasies? Do you want to be in control, or do you want someone else to be in control? All of these questions and more help you explore the part of you that has (probably) been repressed and damaged the most, and as we know, anything we repress (especially if we’re identified with it) controls us from the backseat. Therefore, exploring your sexuality is the next thing to do, and since you trust yourself to differentiate between competent and incompetent sexual partners, this is something you can very well play out in real life, although it’s not necessary.
  • 5. Then, the next step is often one you find on your own. By this point you trust yourself and you’re sexually comfortable, even if it took you a good many years to get here! However, if you find yourself looking for another step, regularly build your confidence and sense of self-love through meditation and correct action. The next step will definitely show itself after you do this for long enough!

After suffering betrayal

Betrayal rarely doesn’t sting, and Scorpios often suffer betrayal more than anyone else! It can cause strong distrust and skepticism in everyone you meet, even yourself, so I’ve structured some steps to take to remedy this issue once and for all:

  • 1. First, elevate your confidence. Sometimes, this is the only step you have to take – once you’re consistently confident, everything else plays out the way it should! This can be done by sitting alone and repeating to yourself, “I choose to feel confident” over and over until you genuinely feel confident. This technique has done wonders for me over the years, but of course, you can replace it with your favorite method(s) of feeling confident. 
  • One reason we’re doing this, by the way, is because step #2 has a hard pill to swallow. Please be prepared for it!
  • 2. Second, there is a truth I want you to know. You had a part in being betrayed! It’s partially your fault; either you couldn’t sense the dark energy emanating from that person, or you did, and you ignored it/didn’t pay much attention to it. Betrayal is corrupt, which means it’s selfish and detrimental to general wellbeing, so if you disidentify from the parts of you that are dark, negative, and corrupt you’ll be able to avoid betrayal a lot easier in the future. This is because disidentifying from the beliefs that generate this kind of energy (and disidentifying from the energy itself) takes away its power and gives it back to you (since certain beliefs generate negative emotions, and since they can’t exist without you putting energy into them, consciously and/or subconsciously), power that you can use to develop positive emotions. Maybe that sounds occult-y, but did you know it’s a psychic fact?
  • 3. Lastly, you can forgive the person who betrayed you. It was likely an act done out of fear and corruption, and even if it was genuine malice, malice is often born from a place of extreme fear. Forgiving them can be the toughest part, but holding onto the desire for revenge is like stomping yourself on the foot – it doesn’t do a whole lotta good!

After joining a cult

Joining a cult can seem like a good idea at the time, but it usually pans out to be an awful decision. People are sometimes abducted into cults against their will, or sometimes they have spent time with people who have been a part of a cult. These steps apply to whoever you happen to be:

  • 1. Being a part of a cult almost always alters your belief system. Sometimes, cult leaders purposely alter the belief systems of their members so they have all the power. Becoming “de-programmed” from these beliefs and finding yourself is the first step in taking care of yourself after joining a cult.
  • You can ask yourself, “what do I believe, and why?” Once you write down these beliefs you can say, “I choose to disidentify from these beliefs. They aren’t a part of me anymore,” effectively taking back any power the belief had over you. Then you can say, “I choose to find myself” until you feel as if you’ve found yourself! This step can take a long time depending on how many beliefs you subconsciously hold from that period.
  • 2. Afterward, make a conscious effort to release the emotions that are trapped within your being. No matter the intensity of the emotions, you can release them by saying, “I choose to permanently feel them and release them.” If you haven’t completed the first step by taking your mental power back from the detrimental beliefs you hold, you’ll probably generate more negative emotion than you release, which keeps going in a vicious cycle. Sometimes, however, releasing negative emotions makes it a lot easier to change your belief system, which means these two steps can be interchangeable, as long as they’re happening at the same time!
  • 3. This step isn’t crucial to your health, especially by this point. However, if you feel something is missing, you can create your own belief system out of confidence and love, and adhere to that, changing and modifying it as you see fit! Also, this has the potential to positively influence others :).

After working in a terrible place for a long time

I’ve seen many people completely change personalities after working in a dangus workplace for a long time! What can happen with Scorpios is they go into a particularly negative profession for a while (sometimes for decades), and it deeply affects their psyche in an unhealthy way. Here are some steps for solving this:

  • 1. I encourage you to sit down and consciously decide to find yourself. Remember your best self, no matter when you used to be that person. Focus on them in your mind and let their energy expand into your awareness, let you from the past flow back and enter your life once more! Often, this is all you need to do to counter this issue. I recommend doing it whenever you feel you need to.
  • 2. If you still feel like your negative corporate self, I recommend travel. Where do you want to go? Go there on a whim! If you’re unable to do that, many video games have you travel across the land, searching far and wide, such as RuneScape! You’ll probably find the change of scenery lovely and refreshing, and doing this usually creates a new you that counters the old you! I recommend traveling to a great many places, as many as you can/want to!
  • 3. If you’re still feeling corrupt after this step, some subjective belief re-arranging isn’t a bad idea! You can ask yourself questions like, “why do I feel this way? Which beliefs generate these feelings? Why do I act this way, even though I don’t want to?” Answering these questions may be difficult but worthwhile, especially if they lead to more questions and answers. Eventually, you’ll disidentify from the reasons why your personality changed, and you can get to the good stuff – enjoying life the way you want to! 

After suffering from low self-esteem, low self-confidence, no recognition, etc

Any of the causes below and a lot more can contribute to an extremely low sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. You may also not receive as much recognition as you might expect from your job and/or projects, even if they’re very worthy of it! Both of these problems have the same solution. I am going to start from a place of extreme fear and low self-worth in my steps below:

  • 1. If you have a pen and paper, go ahead and write, “I deserve” over and over, for as long as you can, or until the paper is full. If you don’t have a pen and paper, typing these words into your notes works fine as well.
  • 2. Pay attention to how you finish the sentence in your head. When you write, “I deserve,” do you finish it in your head with something negative? Go ahead and write that down, write “I deserve…” and then everything that pops into your head.
  • 3. Take each one of these sentences and focus on them. Tell yourself, “I choose to disidentify from the belief that I’m XYZ.” Repeat it to yourself over and over for each one you wrote. This step can take a long time, but when you’re finished, you can move on to the next one.
  • 4. Tell yourself the following: “I deserve confidence. I deserve self-esteem. I deserve recognition.” Do this over and over until you feel these things within you. If you still feel negative after repeating these sentences for a while, you probably have some more belief-disidentifying to do, you have a genuine physical condition (or conditions), or both. Take care of yourself!

After generally being hurt, neglected, sad, afraid, grieving, angry, etc

Everyone who’s been hurt can benefit from these steps, however, Scorpios will likely benefit from them the most. These steps assume that your pain is not as deep as the kind of pain I mentioned above, but still deep enough to call for a structured solution:

  • 1. Sit in a room by yourself and feel the hurt. Allow yourself to process, express, and let go of all the hurt you currently hold, on the deepest level you possibly can. Please keep in mind that most people hurt because they’ve been hurt and not because they’re entirely malicious, so the pain that you feel is probably recycled hurt instead of a conscious, malicious act. This fact makes it a little easier to get through this!
  • 2. Once you’ve felt and let go of the hurt, you have a greater opportunity to adopt a sense of the divine eternal, for as long as you feel you should! You don’t need to believe in God to feel this feeling, it’s simply a positive feeling that feels like it’s going to last forever! The more often you choose to feel it, the better your life will be since positivity is ultimately regenerative, and negativity is ultimately degenerative. You can also add or replace it with other positive emotions, such as confidence or love, as you see fit!

After committing the atrocious acts

Let’s say that you’ve committed one (or several) of the acts I’ve mentioned above. You hurt someone, maybe you damaged them for life. Perhaps you’ve even hurt yourself with the same kind of negative energy. What do you do?

  • 1. First, it’s completely okay to acknowledge your feelings. Your fear, guilt, shame, hate, maliciousness, and vengeance should take their turn in the spotlight in this step. Give yourself time and space away from others to let them rise within you in all of their dark power, then move on to the next step.
  • 2. While you’re feeling these things, ask yourself, “why do I feel this way?” Answer yourself. Then, once you know why (or once you figure out you don’t know why), give it a final push and get to the roots of your emotions. Figure out the beliefs that generate them, and stop believing them. Release the emotions you currently feel. Then, start feeling confidence and security in their place. 
  • 3. Once you’ve done this, some negative emotion may be lingering behind. This is most likely guilt and shame for what you’ve done since you transformed the other stuff into positive emotion. Take careful care to process these two emotions with love, empathy, and compassion for yourself. Most other options simply lead to more negative results. Once you’ve done this for long enough, love will overtake the guilt and shame, and you’ll be a changed person! Please keep in mind this may take years, or even decades to do.

Some Scorpios secretly want to have all of this trauma and dark energy around them. It’s become a part of their identity because it’s all they know. It’s difficult to convince these kinds of people that they’re slowly destroying themselves, Scorpio or not, but it’s still possible to disidentify from your negative beliefs and identify with positive ones… Or, don’t believe anything at all! I’ve found this latter path to be quite meaningful.

And, at the end of the day, many Scorpios don’t have issues that are this deep! This is another reason for going as far as I did with the examples I gave; I created solutions to some of the deepest problems a human could have, and so if they work for alleviating those problems, they’ll most likely work (or at least partially work) for the problems that are not as intense as the ones I’ve mentioned above. I wish you the best in all of your efforts!

Overall…

It can be very difficult for a Scorpio to move through the darkness and permanently heal themselves. However, when they do, they’re met with a kind of positive strength that is extremely regenerative for themselves and everyone around them! They usually have hard lives, and even though they have hard lives, more often than not they experience a breakthrough (or even many breakthroughs) and capture their shining light, light they choose to hold for themselves and give to others whenever they can.

Whenever I see a healed Scorpio it amazes me. I think of how much they must have gone through and how much they had to do to climb out of their pit (pits, even!). I think of how they could have been lost to the darkness if their lives had been just a tiny bit worse, and it makes me thankful for every enlightened Scorpio I come across! If this post helped you in any way whatsoever, then I’m glad that I made it! You guys are awesome.

Final Thoughts 

Astrology is one of these sciences that shape someone’s entire experience and encourages them to (more or less) make their life predetermined when they identify with it. It’s possible to disidentify from astrology as a whole and make the game change entirely, often in a good way! However, this is partially why I wrote about the problems I did; they aren’t necessarily tied in with astrology and Scorpios, but those who experience them are usually in so much pain they can benefit from reading this kind of post anyway.

Sadness fills my soul when a proper solution is given, the reader reads it, and they move on with their life as if nothing had happened. I used to do this, I used to read solutions to pressing problems in my life, except I wouldn’t apply them at all; I simply romanticized the idea of becoming healed. Nowadays I’m better about that, but I certainly don’t want others to make the same mistake that I made!

Conclusion 

Thank you so much for reading, I’m truly grateful you’re here! I’ll see you in the next one, and happy healing!

I'm Gabriel Mohr!

I love writing about mental health, confidence and leadership, relationships, and much more! More importantly, I truly enjoy sharing as much value as I possibly can! I'm the author of three books and the longest blog post in the world, The Modern Leader! When I'm not writing you'll find me hiking in the woods, spending time with friends, relaxing at home, and more!

The Challenge of Being Positive Around Negative People

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Quick Fact

-It can be very difficult to be positive around negative people, especially if their negativity is strong. However, doing so often makes life easier to live for you, and sometimes, it even helps them!

Intro

Well, this post is long overdue my friends! I feel like one of the toughest and most rewarding things we can do is be bright, positive, and vibrant around those who are the exact opposite, and I’m going through this challenge as we speak! 

Should we do it? And why? And how? All of these questions will be answered below! Please keep in mind that I speak from personal experience and my conclusions gained from observing many, many people live their lives 🙂

Why Be Positive Around Negative People?

Ahh yes, one of the most important three-letter words I’ve ever come across in my life – why? Why not go with the flow, accept the black energy, and be negative like they are? It’s easier to do that, right?

Sometimes, sure! Sometimes being around negative people can feel draining, and maybe even impossible, depending on your situation. However, there are a few reasons why I answer in the affirmative:

  1. Positive emotion is regenerative by nature, and the opposite is true for negative emotion. This means that the higher the intensity and the longer the time someone feels negative, the lower their quality of life is for themselves and everyone around them – if we aren’t careful! My first reason for staying positive in a negative situation is to keep your mental and physical health as high as it can be!
  2. Second, it’s a great practice for your mind and a great way to form and keep a higher perspective. People who suffer from chronic negativity are usually low in intelligence, which begets negativity, which begets low intelligence. So, using the intelligence we have to understand where they’re at and not being affected by it is amazing to keep our minds sharp and our perspectives extremely high.
  3. It’s really nice to see the triggers you have in yourself! For example, if you’re staying positive in the moment and your vibration suddenly drops, this is a stellar opportunity to ask yourself some questions, get to the root belief(s) of the emotion, disidentify from it, feel the emotion, then release it for good!
  4. Being able to stay positive in a negative situation often gains you respect from others, and if you observe frustration from negative people failing to pull you into their world, you’ll know who is truly testing you… More on that later.
  5. Lastly, it can be considered a fun challenge! I often opt to take this approach since negative people have been in my life for a while – instead of taking this “being positive around negative people” thing seriously I see it as a game, a challenge, and if I lose or temporarily fail I’m not so hard on myself… I learn from it and start again!

While it may be easier to simply go with the flow there are many reasons to push against negative emotions with positive ones! I’d say the most important reason is your mental health, the mental health of those around you, and spiritual ascension!

Why Is It Almost Always So Difficult? 

But enough of that – let’s get into the serious stuff, shall we?

While it’s a wonderful skill to be able to do this, it’s often seen as impossible for certain reasons:

  1. The negativity emitting from some people is so strong that it’s stronger than most people’s ability to create and obtain positive emotion. Please keep in mind that so, so many people subconsciously mass-produce negativity in their own psyche for so long that it becomes their comfortable space, what they know, and the space they absolutely must pull people down towards. It can be difficult to stay positive in the face of this.
  2. If you’re creating your own negativity in your life then you’re essentially trying to be positive in the midst of multiple sources of (most likely powerful) negative feelings. If it’s your own negativity it’s probably best to go into it and feel it, but more on that later.
  3. I mentioned this in the first point, but it’s worth mentioning again – some people are so good at pulling other people down to their level that they create and hold to a secret ‘terms of service:’ if you are not like them, they will not accept you, and you cannot be around them. It can be very tempting to bring your own positive power to a screeching halt to be with these people, especially if you’re working together.

I point these things out because a lot of negative people in this world aren’t passively negative, they’re actively going against positivity and positive thinking. Usually, they’re doing this subconsciously, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter – they often destroy people in ways they’ll never understand!

Diving Into Your Own Negativity 

If you are the one producing the negativity you’re trying to be positive towards, there’s something to be said here!

Consciously choosing to go into your own negativity, feeling it, accepting it for what it is, disidentifying from it, and releasing it is a much better idea than trying to suppress it with positivity. In fact, bringing up your inner negativity around negative people is usually a good idea since they’ll understand where you’re coming from. Once you purge yourself of the “black energy” and its generators, you’ll automatically feel a lot better and find it a lot easier to be as positive as you want!

Ways To Do It!

So how do we be positive around negative people?

Firstly, I recommend you purge your own negative energy like how I’ve mentioned above. But then, you can make it a point to create positive energy within yourself and make it extremely strong! This can be done by saying, “I choose to create a feeling of confidence that is impossible to be taken away,” and once you succeed, you can be very, very positive around negative people.

The second way is by doing your best to instill positivity into others. Personally, I find this to be more difficult than the former, especially if we’re trying to change someone who is extremely negative… However, it is possible, especially if you know what they like, what is good for them, where they’re going, and where they should be going.

But the 3rd (and perhaps best) way to be positive around negative people is to text them when they aren’t around! It’s much, much easier to be in a positive light when we aren’t around them, and almost everybody experiences a dopamine rush when they open their phones, so texting them a positive message is a great way to be positive around negative people.

However, don’t be afraid to create your own way! I’ve found that creating my own way of doing things gives me a higher chance of success as opposed to following other people’s suggestions, and I suspect the same is true for you 🙂

Final Thoughts 

It’s very okay to feel negative, especially if we’re aware that we’re feeling negative, and of the reason(s) we feel negative. However, sometimes it becomes too much, too overwhelming, especially if they’re actively trying to pull you down to their level and keep you there. 

Developing this skill is more important than it seems because being able to feel positive under any and every circumstance is an amazing way to guarantee wellbeing and success for yourself and the open-minded around you!

Conclusion

Thank you so much for reading my post! I’m truly grateful that you’re here, and I’ll see you in the next article 🙂

The Nature of Corruption

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Quick Facts

-An act is corrupt if it is purely selfish and detrimental to wellbeing at the same time!

-We can notice any corruption within ourselves, disidentify from it, and thereby take away its power!

-We can notice the nature of corruption in other people, and we can avoid them, help set them on the right path, or both.

Intro

Humans can become corrupt, even if we start out with the best of intentions! But why? And if we become corrupt, how can we reverse it and become pure again? Is it even possible?

Understanding how we become corrupt is definitely part of the prevention, and can even be part of the cure. And, if we can prevent ourselves from becoming corrupt (even in the face of total corruption) and/or become pure while being corrupt, our wellbeing and consciousness will skyrocket through the roof! So, let’s get started.

Corruption Compared With Purity

On the metaphysical level, an act is only considered corrupt if it meets two criteria at the same time:

  1. It is done out of self-interest.
  2. It is destructive to other living things.

If an act is destructive but done out of genuine concern for others, then it isn’t corrupt. However, if a boss yells at their employee else because they want them to obey, the act is corrupt; it is done out of self-interest, and it is destructive to their mental wellbeing.

Candy bar companies, manufactured food in general. Every time we buy a candy bar a portion of the proceeds goes to the big man, and since the candy bar is harmful to our bodies the company is considered corrupt. 

On an abstract level, companies who sell products that are bad for our minds (such as fake guru courses and classes), advertisers who market detrimental products, etc are still corrupt since their product isn’t good for our mental health.

Purity, on the other hand, isn’t necessarily the absence of selfish intentions and actions – if we take selfishness all the way we’ll soon discover that the wellbeing of others indirectly translates into wellbeing for ourselves! No, a pure act can be explained as an act that is regenerative to life and wellbeing! This is why love is considered to be pure, an act made from love is an act that’s regenerative on one or more levels.

Ironically, purity and corruption can intermingle into the same action. For example, a genuine act of love can be someone baking cookies for you; the act is regenerative on the metaphysical level, but degenerative on the physical level. Or, having the intention to love our partner but treating them with anger instead.

There are some people who genuinely don’t care if they’re corrupt, and in some cases, they attempt to be corrupt. Ultimately, if we have a desire to be corrupt it’s best to have healthy outlets for what would otherwise be detrimental actions, and having as much purity within our being as possible is one of the best ways to live a healthy and fulfilled life.

Reasons People Become and Stay Corrupt 

Okay, some people become and stay corrupt over a long period of time. Why is this?

One of the main reasons is because they have a strong sense of survival, but little to nothing else (morality, good values, high IQ/EQ, quality influence in their lives, etc). The ID in some individuals is over-developed while everything else is under-developed, so they don’t mind screwing other people over – literally! It’s not even on their mind, they don’t know and/or care that they’re doing it!

Some (I’d even say most) people start out as pure people and, gradually, become traumatized and poorly influenced over time. Some of us, though, are so traumatized, manipulated, and warped by the wrong people that they become corrupt – permanently. There’s little hope for these kinds of people because, unfortunately, corruption is all they know, and it’s all they care to know (when presented with better options).

Some of us consciously choose to do corrupt things for one reason or another. Living a pure life can be very difficult in a world of traumatized and corrupt people, and the temptation to fall to the dark side is great. In fact, it’s so great that many people do, even though they have the best of intentions.

And, some of us have always been genuinely scared from the beginning. Many women are like this, I see many many young women who are already anxious and already afraid of the world before they even experience their teenage years, and it saddens me to the core. However, if we feel scared and threatened we’ll often perform corrupt acts, especially if we grow up/live without a positive value/belief system, or any intention to inform ourselves once we know better. 

I feel it’s important to create this list since many of us, even if we are not corrupt by nature, have some corruption within us. Noticing it’s there and knowing how it got there is extremely helpful in healthily integrating our corrupt desires into our lives, and ultimately, disidentifying from the need to hold on to these desires.

The Ramifications of Corruption

Corrupt actions often have ramifications, but I don’t think the full impact of these actions hits us very often.

For example, let’s say we buy a bag of ordinary chips at the grocery store. Chips are pretty terrible for us since they’re processed, fried in oil, and covered with all kinds of salt. We eat them and they’re harmful to our bodies (especially our gut) and they’re in plastic bags. So, every time we buy a bag of chips we’re silently telling our grocery store(s) and chip companies that we love tasty-but-degenerative food wrapped in a substance that can only be made by harming the earth.

Does it sound like I’m going too far? I would be… If only one person were doing this. The reality is that millions and millions of us are buying food products like this every single day. I would be, except the cumulative effect is so large I don’t care to calculate it.

But it’s not just the consumer’s fault – let’s say you’re an owner of a chip company or a cookie company. You don’t care or aren’t aware of just how much harm you’re doing to people because you’re either too busy working your butt off or you’re too busy taking a vacation to the Bahamas. They like their money and power and they’ll genuinely do everything they can to keep it!

Okay, enough about chips – let’s turn to emotions. Let’s say someone yells at someone else because they won’t get out of their way in a parking lot. What they’re essentially doing is they’re saying, “I’m worth more than you, so move or else suffer the consequences!” That’s going to hurt many people, and most of us internalize this hurt since a large part of many societies is centered around emotional suppression, and since emotional suppression doesn’t make the emotion(s) go away the people who harbor them act them out… Subconsciously. Then they begin yelling in a few years. And the cycle continues.

That’s a mild example when compared to larger suppressive entities like the government. Most governments would absolutely love their “subjects” to be 100% subordinate to them, and most of them strive to have such a power. This makes them one of if not the most powerfully corrupt kind of entity on the planet. Here in America, we have power over these people if we choose to band together and give our demands, but for now, I wish to note that their actions butterfly across the entirety of society, and not in a good way!

Need proof? Go to your grocery store and look around you. Look for people who are slouching, people who are insecure, people who are predatory, people who are scared. I guarantee you they’ve all been internalizing the corrupt actions that were/are performed against them, and that they’re silently acting out corruption themselves. It’s easy to say that it’s a grim time to be living in.

How To Counter All Of It

But of course, there’s a solution! In this case, multiple solutions. 

The first solution is a “this may work, and if it does you’ll be glad you tried it” kind of solution. If you ask yourself, “what do I consider to be corruption?” and it turns out what you subconsciously consider to be corruption isn’t genuinely corrupt, then your perspective changes for the better.

The second is to find the genuinely corrupt desires within your own psyche and disidentify from them. Finding them is as simple as asking and answering the question, “what are my deepest, darkest desires?” and writing them down. Disidentifying from them is as simple as saying, “I choose to disidentify from this desire. I choose to stop needing to have this desire. I choose to disidentify from the belief that XYZ is true.” Perhaps this part takes repetition, and perhaps it does not! But the beauty about disidentifying from a corrupt desire is that you don’t have to push it away – you can face it if you want to. You can face it, figure out why it’s there, feel the emotion and release it, learn from it, etc… You can also say, “I choose to no longer have this desire.”

When we do this for all of our corrupt desires we have essentially changed ourselves for the better! That’s good enough on its own, and when all of us do this, we live a glorious life indeed!

The third (and least recommended) solution is to pinpoint the most corrupt people in society (within reason) and force them out of their positions of power. We can assign them to a task that benefits us but doesn’t leave them in a position of power. Yes, we have the power to do this – the more our numbers the more unstoppable we are!

Final Thoughts 

I have heard some say, “the universe is simply a balance of light and dark, corruption and purity.” While it may be meaningful to live out this belief and balance the light and darkness within ourselves it’s still a belief that can be disidentified from and transcended. When it is, a state is reached that is enlightened from such a game, a state I personally prefer to the state produced by the belief itself.

It is possible to root out the corruption in our species if we get into the habit of ingesting psychedelics on a regular basis, particularly magic mushrooms. If we incorporate them into our diet as if they were just another food (with a tad more caution, in my opinion) we’d be very much better off in every way imaginable! 🙂

Conclusion

Thank you so much for reading my article! I am truly grateful for your presence and I’ll see you in the next one 🙂

Why We Should Question Everything!

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Quick Facts

-Asking questions is an amazing way to build knowledge, and knowledge is an incredible thing to have! 

-Asking questions is one of the best ways to build and entertain our curiosity, which is a very pure state of being!

Intro

In American society, the art and value of asking questions is almost forgotten! Questions are often thought of as weak, unnecessary, or even detrimental when quite the opposite is true – they are valuable, critical for expanding our minds, and very helpful for establishing wellbeing!

So, without further ado, let’s get started!

The Open Mind and The Closed Mind

A question is a sentence that encourages a response, particularly a response that helps form an understanding and/or a particular feeling (sometimes we say, “that makes sense” when someone gives an answer, sense being a particular feeling). 

One of the defining characteristics of a closed mind is the inability and unwillingness to ask and answer questions, and this is one of the main reasons why those with closed minds often live low-vibrational lives. If we don’t ask ourselves why we’re angry, for example, we’ll probably keep becoming angry at the same things/people for the rest of our lives.

On the other hand, one of the defining characteristics of an open mind is the ability and willingness to ask and answer questions! If we ask as many questions as we possibly can, after all, then we’ll reach our enlightenment much quicker. We’ll also have a lot of knowledge and understanding, and we’ll constantly be developing our critical thinking skills along the way.

Having an open mind isn’t a guarantee of obtaining the state of the mystic, but it certainly helps. This begs the question, “is the open mind simply superior to the closed mind?” I tend towards yes, and mostly because those with closed minds are usually so resistant to letting their minds become open, even when it’s the best thing for them to do. Sometimes these people will ask questions and not even care about the answers they receive! 

But, perhaps my biggest qualm with these kinds of people (while I’m looking at life through this perspective) is that they can very well encourage other people to be just like them. They can (and sometimes will) encourage people to comply instead of question, relax instead of think, become complacent, etcetera. This is mostly why I don’t like most of the entertainment culture: the entertainers try their best to keep people enthralled in their content instead of being genuine or throwing in there that “hey, maybe you could ask some important questions here and there.” This post is being made in direct contradiction to the force of “you don’t need to question, just sit down” “you don’t need to question, just get back to work” that I see everywhere I go (especially on the TV).

Why Questions Are Valuable

Allow me to make my case!

Questions are valuable because the dialog they encourage is valuable. The understanding they build is valuable. And, answering them correctly/honestly can very well lead to positive things!

For example, let’s go through a question that many people would find uninteresting (or even stupid): “Why are the leaves on a tree green?” Already we have two ways we can answer this question; one, we can give the biological explanation, and two, we can ask the philosophical follow-up question, “why is anything green?”

If we ask the latter question we can come up with the answer, “because our eyes have cones that allow us to see the color” or “because the basic functions of the universe operate in such a way to where some things appear green to our eyes!”

If we continue the chain by asking why the universe operates in such a way, we’ve essentially asked, “why does the universe do what it does?” This is quite the philosophical venture, and philosophical ventures can certainly lead to wellbeing in and of themselves, even without going any further (which you definitely can)!

So, even the simplest and most basic of questions can lead to realization, understanding, and enlightenment. Why are they like this? Because they’re a high-vibrational thing to participate in, whereas going off of what we know without ever asking any questions is often the opposite!

Some Of The Best Questions To Ask/Answer

While every question can lead to understanding, some questions should (probably) take precedence over others.

For example, questions that pertain to the physical portion of our immediate, everyday lives. “How can I make my business more profitable?” “I’m having a hard time doing my job, how can I make this easier on myself?” “Where did I put my sweats?” “Why is Elvis Presley under my bed?” You know, things that are important! If we make our day-to-day lives as fulfilling as possible we’ll be living a good life!

Then, there are subjective questions. “Why do I feel this way?” “How can I stop feeling pain without getting drunk or addicted?” “How can I feel more positivity?” “Which of my beliefs are detrimental and holding me back?” “How can I properly build my inner reality?” “Which beliefs do I want to believe, if at all” “What do I need to do, say, or think for my enlightenment?”

Don’t forget the big-picture questions! “What do I want to be known for, if anything at all?” “Which parts of my life can benefit from a big-picture perspective?” “Which events/issues/people should I look at with a big-picture perspective?” These questions are particularly useful for building patience and alleviating anxiety. 

There are philosophical questions: “what is life?” “Why am I here?” “What is death, and why are we so afraid of it?” “Is it a game or is it serious?” “What were the previous philosophers trying to accomplish?” “What did the previous philosophers discover?” “What thought process can I engage in that will help me discover the most?”

The intellectual questions: “how can I develop my intelligence?” “Which kind(s) of intelligence do I possess?” “What exactly is intelligence?” “What are some intelligent things to do, and ask?”

The spiritual questions: “what is spirituality?” “Do I believe it isn’t real, or that it is? Why?” “Do I believe it’s good, or just a hoax? Why?”

And, the most important question of them all: Where exactly is Jimmy Hoffner buried?!”

Why are these good questions to ask? Because, when they are answered, and especially when they’re continued with more questions, they raise our understanding of ourselves, the physical world, and metaphysical states. They promote dialog between ourselves and others, and they’re quite crucial for self-integration and emotional awareness, two things which greatly help with our well-being!

Final Thoughts 

I feel like I missed some important questions. If I did, please tell them to me in the comments below!

Also, while being curious has been extremely beneficial to me in more ways than I care to explain, I do recommend taking care of yourself and stopping if you feel like you’re getting a bit too curious. 🙂

Conclusion 

Thank you so much for reading my post! I’m truly grateful to spend this time with you, and I’ll see you later! 🙂

My Childhood, and Why It Was So Detrimental

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Quick Facts

-Having narcissistic, angry, smothering, manipulative parents can be extremely damaging! 

-Parenting while being/feeling like this is not a good idea.

-We can recover from our nasty childhoods, and we can become the best parents we’ve ever known!

Intro

Not everyone had the perfect childhood, but it’s rare to find someone who had a childhood quite like mine. I truly don’t mean that in an egotistical way, but in a melancholic way – I want people I can relate to, not say “I had a worse childhood than you did” too!

The time has come to write this post, and usually, I hope my memory will serve me well… This time I know it will.

The Overall Situation 

Here is a general perspective on my life growing up:

From ages 0-18 I lived in my parent’s house. Both parents stayed together for the entire time, and I lived with 3 siblings. My parents proclaimed themselves to be protestant Christian, and we were homeschooled the entire time we lived there.

They “proclaimed” themselves to be Christian, but in reality, my father displayed traits of a cold, unloving narcissist and my mother displayed traits of a manipulative, smothering, overprotective, traumatized, anxious woman for the entire 18 years I lived in their home.

This meant mandatory compliance instead of mutual respect. This meant no free thinking was allowed. This meant I had to believe what they believed, and if I didn’t I was seen as someone to be converted instead of loved. This meant I stayed at home most of the time since they didn’t have a lot of money/didn’t want to be bothered. This meant having to constantly deal with two parents in emotional turmoil with almost no breaks whatsoever. The list goes on and on…

But, perhaps worst of all, it meant my siblings hated me since I (somehow) kept an individual identity throughout all of this. They liked my parent’s values (some of which included silence and compliance) and hated me when I displayed the values I held which were the opposite (like expressing my emotions and doing my own thing without worrying if I was complying or not).

Home life was extremely damaging, but not in a physical way, in a way much more subtle than that – when I left the home I had little to no identity of my own, I was scared of everything and everyone since I had almost no exposure to the outside world on my own, I had no marketable skills, and very few friends that still lived in the area. I was emotionally distraught, depressed, insecure, sad, fearful, and angry with little reason to feel good about myself at all – or, that’s how I saw it with my limited perspective.

One totalitarian narcissist and one traumatized manipulator – I don’t remember feeling loved at all. They would say, “love is in the motions, it’s not exactly a warm feeling all of the time,” but then why didn’t they work to change themselves? Why did they continue buying us crappy food? Why didn’t they let us live our own lives for a bit by going to public school? Even if they stuck to their own definition (which I don’t fully agree with) they still didn’t try to act it out.

Specific Examples 

-I don’t remember this, but my grandma tells me that she would be holding me as a child, my father would come home, and that he would take me away from her while saying, “this is my son. You don’t get to hold him.”

-When I was 6 I remember being in Sunday school, and the teacher was telling us something about God. I raised my hand and asked something to the extent of, “what is God? How do we know he’s real?” The teacher didn’t give me an adequate response so I went home and asked my parents. They replied with (paraphrasing), “aren’t you too young to be asking those kinds of questions?”

-From 6 to 18 I remember being overly scolded and shamed because I was trying to live a free life. I was also scolded because I expressed a lot of anger that was being generated because of their suppressive ways.

-Sometime before my teen years I remember my mother having a moment of clarity. She was punishing me for something ridiculous, and she started punishing herself as well. Both of us were crying pretty bad. The change didn’t last, she went back to her old ways pretty quickly.

-At 13-14 we were being sat by a babysitter. We loved her because she was a good person, and she was okay with letting us be normal children. My parents came home, however, and my father noticed that we were acting ‘rambunctious,’ so he yelled, “sit down! We leave for a few hours and you guys start acting like gorillas!” The anger in his voice was so intense that we were even afraid of going to the bathroom lest he punish us for getting up.

-At 14-16 my father and I were arguing about something. I don’t remember what it was, but I remember I was in the right. We were arguing from across the room, and I said something especially incriminating. He stormed over, put his face 2 inches from mine, and produced the most menacing growl he could possibly manage. He didn’t touch me, though – at least he was smart enough to refrain from going to jail.

-15 was when I began my journey towards “becoming cool” as well as meeting (and remembering) normal, healthy men. We went to a family reunion and I met one of my 2nd cousins and my other 2nd cousin’s husband. They were some of the first men who I compared to my father, and that was when I started to see what was really going on.

-At 15-18 I watched porn for the first time. My parents believe that porn is wrong/sinful, but instead of handling the situation healthily they grounded me for 6 months and told me to never do it again. All I had to lose were my video games, but those were my life due to the suppressive nature of my parents… I got caught again after that, so they put a filter on the internet, when I found my way around that, they grounded me permanently (until I moved out of the house). 

-At 16-17 they tried to enlist me in the army, without my consent. Thankfully it didn’t happen!

-At 17 I tried cannabis for the first time. Instead of my parents applauding me for going against the law and ingesting a healthy plant, they said “no drugs,” and it was part of the reason for my permanent grounding.

I remember vague parts of other things that happened, but these are the main ones. 

Why My Childhood Was So Detrimental 

You may be wondering, “gee, there must have been some good times, right? There’s no way any God-loving mother and father could be so bad, right?”

We did go places occasionally, and we shared some laughs here and there, but the good times were few and far in-between – most of my time with them was terrible, and most of the “good times” were tainted to the point of no repair, at least with the positive power I had then. I certainly can’t remember any specific examples besides a few field trips where I got to break away from my parents.

Anyway, I want to derive some value out of my parent’s mistakes, so I’ll list the reasons why their parenting was so terrible:

-Free thinking wasn’t encouraged or allowed.

-The “mandatory compliance” mindset left no room for input from the children. What they said went, and this has never been an effective way to parent.

-Suppressing children’s desires is detrimental because doing that doesn’t make their desires go away, and smothering them is detrimental because they don’t get to leave and build their own life.

-The unwillingness to change their ways, even if they could see their ways weren’t working, was a gigantic issue.

-The intensity of their fear, anger, and sadness affected us kids very greatly. Anyone who has major emotional issues shouldn’t be having kids unless they’re consciously improving/realizing themselves!

And, when it really boils down to it, the lack of love, trust, and mutual respect were the worst of it all. “You need to respect me and I don’t need to respect you.” “You need to reciprocate because I feed you and clothe you.” “I can’t trust you if you don’t comply.” “You need to be just as afraid and angry as I am.” All of these base beliefs were largely unspoken, but intensely felt in my childhood, and they’re extremely damaging to a young child’s psyche. Please, I beg you, love your children, trust them, and respect them!

What I Did About It!

This is my favorite part of the post since I get to feel all giddy and excited about sharing my solution to this dilemma!

When I was 16 I threw myself into the world and got my first job. I worked at the same place (a semi-cutthroat kitchen) from 16-19, learning how to work and properly interact with other people. I gained some valuable experience and wisdom while I worked there, some of which I’ll never forget.

When I was 18 I ingested psilocybin mushrooms for the first time… They helped me heal immensely, and they helped me form a new, healthy perspective on life as a whole. More than a dozen psilocybin/LSD/DMT trips followed in the span of 1 ½ years or so, all of which were extremely helpful.

When our company went bankrupt I moved to Texas and began working at a country club while sleeping in my car. I learned what it was like to start over, with no friends or family, and make it without any help whatsoever. This was when I began listening to Terrence McKenna and doing some psychological healing.

When I learned the job was a sinking ship I moved to East Texas looking for a job. I submitted 99 applications in a month and didn’t hear back from any of them – except one in Austin, TX to be a Favor delivery driver. 

I moved to Austin and began working there. I learned the entire city like the back of my hand, I learned how to be a self-starter (since I was working as an independent contractor), I learned how to be business-like and professional. It was my first time living in any city so I learned how to transition well, I learned how to make it without friends or family, but most importantly, this was when I really started the sorting out of my mental faculties. It’s where I saw Jordan Peterson for the first time, it’s where I discovered Jung’s and Niechieze’s work, it’s where I had many of my revelations and spiritual experiences, and it’s where I started to think critically about my mental state and really change it for the better. I was still sleeping in my car.

Now I’m almost 22, and I can successfully say I’m a strong, healthy person. I’m hardworking, charismatic, I can write, speak, and think, I can stand up for myself, I’m confident, I can love, and I have a passion for life! 

So, if you’re like me and had to suffer through that or worse, I only encourage you to throw yourself into the fire like I did if you’re certain you can handle it. Otherwise, I encourage you to change your mindset first and do everything you can to develop your sense of self. That’s what a narcissist doesn’t want you to have, after all!

I don’t want you to think I’m victimizing myself because I’ve moved past the bullcrap. I’ve taken care of the damage they dealt and I’m a very strong person now! I write this post so that we can relate to each other and help each other while we’re in similar situations.

Final Thoughts

I have a sneaking suspicion that no one will believe what I say, even though it is the truth. But then another part of me says not to worry about it, since it’s the truth.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m screwed for life because something will pop up from my subconscious and seem immovable, but I always disidentify from it and heal that too! All wounds can be healed, even though astrology says otherwise!

I wish I had a normal life. I wish I didn’t know the things I know, I wish I didn’t have to go through what I went through, I wish I wasn’t like this! Why? Because even my dreams are so intensely positive that I feel terrible not being able to bring them into the world and share them with others!

And, tell me, is my life going to be smooth from here on out? What’s next?

Conclusion

Thank you so, so much for reading! It’s very therapeutic to write all of this out, and hopefully, you derive value from it on one level or another. I’ll see you in the next post!