Intro

Well, this post is long overdue my friends! I feel like one of the toughest and most rewarding things we can do is be bright, positive, and vibrant around those who are the exact opposite, and I’m going through this challenge as we speak! 

Should we do it? And why? And how? All of these questions will be answered below! Please keep in mind that I speak from personal experience and my conclusions gained from observing many, many people live their lives 🙂

Why Be Positive Around Negative People?

Ahh yes, one of the most important three letter words I’ve ever come across in my life – why? Why not go with the flow, accept the black energy, and be negative like they are? It’s easier to do that, right?

Sometimes, sure! Sometimes being around negative people can feel draining, and maybe even impossible, depending on your situation. However, there are a few reasons why I answer in the affirmative:

1. Positive emotion is regenerative by nature, and the opposite is true for negative emotion. This means that the higher the intensity and the longer the time someone feels negative, the lower their quality of life is for themselves and everyone around them – if we aren’t careful! My first reason for staying positive in a negative situation is to keep your mental and physical health as high as it can be!
2. Second, it’s a great practice for your mind, and a great way to form and keep a higher perspective. People who suffer from chronic negativity are usually low in intelligence, which begets negativity, which begets low intelligence. So, using the intelligence we have to understand where they’re at and not being affected by it is amazing to keep our minds sharp and our perspectives extremely high.
3. It’s really nice to see the triggers you have in yourself! For example, if you’re staying positive in the moment and your vibration suddenly drops, this is a stellar opportunity to ask yourself some questions, get to the root belief(s) of the emotion, disidentify from it, feel the emotion, then release it for good!
4. Being able to stay positive in a negative situation often gains you respect from others, and if you observe frustration from negative people failing to pull you into their world, you’ll know who is truly testing you… More on that later.
5. Lastly, it can be considered a fun challenge! I often opt to take this approach since negative people have been in my life for a while – instead of taking this “being positive around negative people” thing seriously I see it as a game, a challenge, and if I lose or temporarily fail I’m not so hard on myself… I learn from it and start again!

While it may be easier to simply go with the flow there are many reasons to push against negative emotions with positive ones! I’d say the most important reason is your mental health, the mental health of those around you, and spiritual ascension!

Why Is It Almost Always So Difficult? 

(Mention that some of it is them producing their own negative emotions, and some is then observing the other emotional states of others. Mention that sometimes negative people consciously or subconsciously fight to bring them down to their level, even over a long period of time)

But enough of that – let’s get into the serious stuff, shall we?

While it’s a wonderful skill to be able to do this, it’s often seen as impossible for certain reasons:

1. The negativity emitting from some people is so strong that it’s stronger than most people’s ability to create and obtain positive emotion. Please keep in mind that so, so many people subconsciously mass-produce negativity in their own psyche for so long that it becomes they’re comfortable space, what they know, and the space they absolutely must pull people down towards. It can be difficult to stay positive on the face of this.
2. If you’re creating your own negativity in your life then you’re essentially trying to be positive in the midst of multiple sources of (most likely powerful) negative feelings. If it’s your own negativity it’s probably best to go into it and feel it, but more on that later.
3. I mentioned this in the first point, but it’s worth mentioning again – some people are so good at pulling other people down to their level that they create and hold to a secret ‘terms of service:’ if you are not like them, they will not accept you, and you cannot be around them. It can be very tempting to bring your own positive power to a screeching halt to be with these people, especially if you’re working together.

I point these things out because a lot of negative people in this world aren’t passively negative, they’re actively going against positivity and positive thinking. Usually they’re doing this subconsciously, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter – they often destroy people in ways they’ll never understand!

Diving Into Your Own Negativity 

If you are the one producing the negativity you’re trying to be positive towards, there’s something to be said here!

Consciously choosing to go into your own negativity, feeling it, accepting it for what it is, disidentifying from it, and releasing it is a much better idea than trying to suppress it with positivity. In fact, bringing up your inner negativity around negative people is usually a good idea since they’ll understand where you’re coming from. Once you purge yourself of the “black energy” and its generators, you’ll automatically feel a lot better and find it a lot easier to be as positive as you want!

Ways To Do It!

So how do we be positive around negative people?

Firstly, I recommend you purge your own negative energy like how I’ve mentioned above. But then, you can make it a point to create positive energy within yourself and make it extremely strong! This can be done by saying, “I choose to create a feeling of confidence that is impossible to be taken away,” and once you succeed, you can be very, very positive around negative people.

The second way is by doing your best to instill positivity into others. Personally, I find this to be more difficult than the former, especially if we’re trying to change someone who is extremely negative… However, it is possible, especially if you know what they like, what is good for them, where they’re going, and where they should be going.

But the 3rd (and perhaps best) way to be positive around negative people is to text them when they aren’t around! It’s much, much easier to be in a positive light when we aren’t around them, and almost everybody experiences a dopamine rush when they open their phones, so texting them a positive message is a great way to be positive around negative people.

However, don’t be afraid to create your own way! I’ve found that creating my own way of doing things gives me a higher chance of success as opposed to following other people’s suggestions, and I suspect the same is true for you 🙂

Final Thoughts 

It’s very okay to feel negative, especially if we’re aware that we’re feeling negative, and of the reason(s) we feel negative. However, sometimes it becomes too much, too overwhelming, especially if they’re actively trying to pull you down to their level and keep you there. 

Developing this skill is more important than it seems because being able to feel positive under any and every circumstance is an amazing way to guarantee wellbeing and success for yourself and the open-minded around you!

Conclusion

Thank you so much for reading my post! I’m truly grateful that you’re here, and I’ll see you in the next article 🙂

Intro

Humans can become corrupt, even if we start out with the best of intentions! But why? And if we become corrupt, how can we reverse it and become pure again? Is it even possible?

Understanding how we become corrupt is definitely part of the prevention, and can even be part of the cure. And, if we can prevent ourselves from becoming corrupt (even in the face of total corruption) and/or become pure while being corrupt, our wellbeing and consciousness will skyrocket through the roof! So, let’s get started.

Corruption Compared With Purity

On the metaphysical level, an act is only considered corrupt if it meets two criteria at the same time:

1. It is done out of self-interest.
2. It is destructive to other living things.

If an act is destructive but done out of genuine concern for others, then it isn’t corrupt. However, if a boss yells at their employee else because they want them to obey, the act is corrupt; it is done out of self-interest, and it is destructive to their mental wellbeing.

Candy bar companies, manufactured food in general. Every time we buy a candy bar a portion of the proceeds goes to the big man, and since the candy bar is harmful to our bodies the company is considered corrupt. 

On an abstract level, companies who sell products that are bad for our minds (such as fake guru courses and classes), advertisers who market detrimental products, etc are still corrupt since their product isn’t good for our mental health.

Purity, on the other hand, isn’t necessarily the absence of selfish intentions and actions – if we take selfishness all the way we’ll soon discover that the wellbeing of others indirectly translates into wellbeing for ourselves! No, a pure act can be explained as an act that is regenerative to life and wellbeing! This is why love is considered to be pure, an act made from love is an act that’s regenerative on one or more levels.

Ironically, purity and corruption can intermingle into the same action. For example, a genuine act of love can be someone baking cookies for you; the act is regenerative on the metaphysical level, but degenerative on the physical level. Or, having the intention to love our partner but treating them with anger instead.

There are some people who genuinely don’t care if they’re corrupt, and in some cases, they attempt to be corrupt. Ultimately, if we have a desire to be corrupt it’s best to have healthy outlets for what would otherwise be detrimental actions, and having as much purity within our being as possible is one of the best ways to live a healthy and fulfilled life.

Reasons People Become and Stay Corrupt 

Okay, some people become and stay corrupt over a long period of time. Why is this?

One of the main reasons is because they have a strong sense of survival, but little to nothing else (morality, good values, high IQ/EQ, quality influence in their lives, etc). The ID in some individuals is over-developed while everything else is under-devleoped, so they don’t mind screwing other people over – literally! It’s not even on their mind, they don’t know and/or care that they’re doing it!

Some (I’d even say most) people start out as a pure person and, gradually, become traumatized and poorly influenced overtime. Some of us, though, are so traumatized, manipulated, and warped by the wrong people that they become corrupt – permanently. There’s little hope for these kinds of people because, unfortunately, corruption is all they know, and it’s all they care to know (when presented with better options).

Some of us consciously choose to do corrupt things for one reason or another. Living a pure life can be very difficult in a world of traumatized and corrupt people, and the temptation to fall to the dark side is great. In fact, it’s so great that many people do, even though they have the best of intentions.

And, some of us have always been genuinely scared from the beginning. Many women are like this, I see many many young women who are already anxious and already afraid of the world before they even experience their teenage years, and it saddens me to the core. However, if we feel scared and threatened we’ll often perform corrupt acts, especially if we grow up/live without a positive value/belief system, or any intention to inform ourselves once we know better. 

I feel it’s important to create this list since many of us, even if we are not corrupt by nature, have some corruption within us. Noticing it’s there and knowing how it got there is extremely helpful in healthily integrating our corrupt desires into our lives, and ultimately, disidentifying from the need to hold on to these desires.

The Ramifications of Corruption

Corrupt actions often have ramifications, but I don’t think the full impact of these actions hits us very often.

For example, let’s say we buy a bag of ordinary chips at the grocery store. Chips are pretty terrible for us since they’re processed, fried in oil, and covered with all kinds of salt. We eat them and they’re harmful to our bodies (especially our gut) and they’re in plastic bags. So, every time we buy a bag of chips we’re silently telling our grocery store(s) and chip companies that we love tasty-but-degenerative food wrapped in a substance that can only be made by harming the earth.

Does it sound like I’m going too far? I would be… If only one person were doing this. The reality is that millions and millions of us are buying food products like this every single day. I would be, except the cumulative effect is so large I don’t care to calculate it.

But it’s not just the consumer’s fault – let’s say you’re an owner of a chip company, or a cookie company. You don’t care or aren’t aware of just how much harm you’re doing to people because you’re either too busy working your butt off or you’re too busy taking a vacation to the Bahamas. They like their money and power and they’ll genuinely do everything they can to keep it!

Okay, enough about chips – let’s turn to emotions. Let’s say someone yells at someone else because they won’t get out of their way in a parking lot. What they’re essentially doing is they’re saying, “I’m worth more than you, so move or else suffer the consequences!” That’s going to hurt many people, and most of us internalize this hurt since a large part of many societies is centered around emotional suppression, and since emotional suppression doesn’t make the emotion(s) go away the people who harbor them act them out… Subconsciously. Then they begin yelling in a few years. And the cycle continues.

That’s a mild example when compared to larger suppressive entities like the government. Most governments would absolutely love their “subjects” to be 100% subordinate to them, and most of them strive to have such a power. This makes them one of if not the most powerfully corrupt kind of entity on the planet. Here in America we have power over these people if we choose to band together and give our demands, but for now I wish to note that their actions butterfly across the entirety of society, and not in a good way!

Need proof? Go to your grocery store and look around you. Look for people who are slouching, people who are insecure, people who are predatory, people who are scared. I guarantee you they’ve all been internalizing the corrupt actions that were/are performed against them, and that they’re silently acting out corruption themselves. It’s easy to say that it’s a grim time to be living in.

How To Counter All Of It

But of course, there’s a solution! In this case, multiple solutions. 

The first solution is a “this may work, and if it does you’ll be glad you tried it” kind of solution. If you ask yourself, “what do I consider to be corruption?,” and it turns out what you subconsciously consider to be corruption isn’t genuinely corrupt, then your perspective changes for the better.

The second is to find the genuinely corrupt desires within your own psyche, and disidentify from them. Finding them is as simple as asking and answering the question, “what are my deepest, darkest desires?” and writing them down. Disidentifying from them is as simple as saying, “I choose to disidentify from this desire. I choose to stop needing to have this desire. I choose to disidentify from the belief that xyz is true.” Perhaps this part takes repetition, and perhaps it does not! But the beauty about disidentifying from a corrupt desire is that you don’t have to push it away – you can face it if you want to. You can face it, figure out why it’s there, feel the emotion and release it, learn from it, etc… You can also say, “I choose to no longer have this desire.”

When we do this for all of our corrupt desires we have essentially changed ourselves for the better! That’s good enough on it’s own, and when all of us do this, we live a glorious life indeed!

The third (and least recommended) solution is to pinpoint the most corrupt people in society (within reason) and force them out of their positions of power. We can assign them to a task that benefits us, but doesn’t leave them in a position of power. Yes, we have the power to do this – the more our numbers the more unstoppable we are!

Final Thoughts 

I have heard some say, “the universe is simply a balance of light and dark, corruption and purity.” While it may be meaningful to live out this belief and balance the light and darkness within ourselves it’s still a belief that can be disidentified from and transcended. When it is, a state is reached that is enlightened from such a game, a state I personally prefer to the state produced by the belief itself.

It is possible to root out the corruption in our species if we get into the habit of ingesting psychedelics on a regular basis, particularly magic mushrooms. If we incorporate them into our diet as if they were just another food (with a tad more caution, in my opinion) we’d be very much better off in every way imaginable! 🙂

Conclusion

Thank you so much for reading my article! I am truly grateful for your presence and I’ll see you in the next one 🙂

Intro 

This isn’t an answer to the age-old question “what is love?” Rather, I simply want to lay out a perspective on love that’s formed from an intelligent approach. Why? Because I feel as if many people have already explained love through the lenses of poetry, philosophy, and writing, and because I feel like a perspective like this is refreshing/helpful for obtaining and retaining a high level of wellbeing.

The Biological Aspects

Love can very easily be considered a chemical cocktail of oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and other chemicals that make us feel good! Studies are showing that meditation allows us to produce a higher level of these chemicals, and my argument is that this is a very big reason for why we feel good while we meditate.

And love can easily be physical self-care, such as exercising, eating healthily, and preventing ourselves and others from getting hurt. Even if the most poetic writer of love were to eat their own optimal diet they would feel much more elevated since taking care of our biological self is a very, very grounded and effective way of being healthy and loving ourselves. 

The Metaphysical Aspects

When we travel into our mind we can form the intention of going deep into our heart to see what’s inside. We can also choose to become more grateful and loving, and for me this often produces a white/green color that I can see in my mind.

Love can very easily be considered to be a certain energy field, just like how authenticity can easily be considered to be a certain energy field. We can say any words we please but the tone and energy we speak them often leaves a much greater impact (for better or for worse) than the actual words themselves. This seems to be widely known, however I don’t see the knowledge being applied very often. That is, why not try to speak with a loving energy instead of a “lower” energy, even if it’s hard?

On Loving People Being Taken Advantage Of

People who are born with big hearts are often born with a decreased IQ. I don’t know why, but it would be interesting to find out. 

This often leads to them being taken advantage of, sometimes without them even realizing it. And sometimes they even rationalize it to themselves and others, especially if one of their family members is the wrongdoer. Being agreeable and swallowing the corruption has its place, however I feel as if many good-hearted people should stand up against it since that’s often what’s best for their long-term wellbeing.

My Summary

At the end of the day, love is most strongly experienced as a feeling. It is its own unique experience and it’s strongly considered to be positive and genuine, biological and metaphysical. 

We see (feel) this when we take DMT and 5-MeO-DMT most prominently! Yes, we can increase our sense of love through meditation and conscious intention, however ingesting these molecules more often than not produces a feeling of love that is so prominent and so intense that it is unrivaled by everything else.

Once we know that love is a combination of the physical and the metaphysical we can appreciate it and take very effective steps to live in it long-term 🙂

Final Thoughts

The higher level of “base love” we have as a species the less destruction we partake in. Love, in essence, is regenerative, and so my theory is the more psychedelic trips we partake in the less destruction we inflict, and the higher our quality of life will be as a result. And we raise the “base level” of collective love by raising the level of love within ourselves and encouraging others to do the same 🙂

However, it seems to me like many people in power want the opposite of this. They yearn for destruction, no matter if it’s physical or metaphysical, but even so love continues to ultimately rule over fear.

Conclusion

Thank you so much for reading! I’ll see you in the next post 🙂

Intro

In American society, the art and value of asking questions is almost forgotten! Questions are often thought of as weak, unnecessary, or even detrimental, when quite the opposite is true – they are valuable, critical for expanding our minds, and very helpful for establishing wellbeing!

So, without further ado, let’s get started!

The Open Mind and The Closed Mind

A question is a sentence that encourages a response, particularly a response that helps form an understanding and/or a particular feeling (sometimes we say, “that makes sense” when someone gives an answer, sense being a particular feeling). 

One of the defining characteristics of a closed mind is the inability and unwillingness to ask and answer questions, and this is one of the main reasons why those with closed minds often live low-vibrational lives. If we don’t ask ourselves why we’re angry, for example, we’ll probably keep becoming angry at the same things/people for the rest of our lives.

On the other hand, one of the defining characteristics of an open mind is the ability and willingness to ask and answer questions! If we ask as many questions as we possibly can, after all, then we’ll reach our enlightenment much quicker. We’ll also have a lot of knowledge and understanding, and we’ll constantly be developing our critical thinking skills along the way.

Having an open mind isn’t a guarantee of obtaining the state of the mystic, but it certainly helps. This begs the question, “is the open mind simply superior to the closed mind?” I tend towards yes, and mostly because those with closed minds are usually so resistant to letting their minds become open, even when it’s the best thing for them to do. Sometimes these people will ask questions and not even care about the answers they recieve! 

But, perhaps my biggest qualm with these kinds of people (while I’m looking at life through this perspective) is that they can very well encourage other people to be just like them. They can (and sometimes will) encourage people to comply instead of question, relax instead of think, become complacent, etcetera. This is mostly why I don’t like most of the entertainment culture: the entertainers try their best to keep people enthralled in their content instead of being genuine or throwing in there that “hey, maybe you could ask some important questions here and there.” This post is being made in direct contradiction to the force of “you don’t need to question, just sit down” “you don’t need to question, just get back to work” that I see everywhere I go (especially on the TV).

Why Questions Are Valuable

Allow me to make my case!

Questions are valuable because the dialog they encourage is valuable. The understanding they build is valuable. And, answering them correctly/honestly can very well lead to positive things!

For example, let’s go through a question that many people would find uninteresting (or even stupid): “why are the leaves on a tree green?” Already we have two ways we can answer this question; one, we can give the biological explanation, and two, we can ask the philosophical follow-up question, “why is anything green?”

If we ask the latter question we can come up with the answer, “because our eyes have cones that allow us to see the color” or “because the basic functions of the universe operate in such a way to where some things appear green to our eyes!”

If we continue the chain by asking why the universe operates in such a way, we’ve essentially asked, “why does the universe do what it does?” This is quite the philosophical venture, and philosophical ventures can certainly lead to wellbeing in and of themselves, even without going any further (which you definitely can)!

So, even the simplest and most basic of questions can lead to realization, understanding, and enlightenment. Why are they like this? Because they’re a high-vibrational thing to participate in, whereas going off of what we know without ever asking any questions is often the opposite!

Some Of The Best Questions To Ask/Answer

While every question can lead to understanding, some questions should (probably) take precedence over others.

For example, questions that pertain to the physical portion of our immediate, everyday lives. “How can I make my business more profitable?” “I’m having a hard time doing my job, how can I make this easier on myself?” “Where did I put my sweats?” “Why is Elvis Presley under my bed?” You know, things that are important! If we make our day-to-day lives as fulfilling as possible we’ll be living a good life!

Then, there are subjective questions. “Why do I feel this way?” “How can I stop feeling pain without getting drunk or addicted?” “How can I feel more positivity?” “Which of my beliefs are detrimental and holding me back?” “How can I properly build my inner reality?” “Which beliefs do I want to believe, if at all” “What do I need to do, say, or think for my enlightenment?”

Don’t forget the big-picture questions! “What do I want to be known for, if anything at all?” “Which parts of my life can benefit from a big-picture perspective?” “Which events/issues/people should I look at with a big-picture perspective?” These questions are particularly useful for building patience and alleviating anxiety. 

There are the philosophical questions: “what is life?” “Why am I here?” “What is death, and why are we so afraid of it?” “Is it a game or is it serious?” “What were the previous philosophers trying to accomplish?” “What did the previous philosophers discover?” “What thought process can I engage in that will help me discover the most?”

The intellectual questions: “how can I develop my intelligence?” “Which kind(s) of intelligence do I possess?” “What exactly is intelligence?” “What are some intelligent things to do, and ask?”

The spiritual questions: “what is spirituality?” “Do I believe it isn’t real, or that it is? Why?” “Do I believe it’s good, or just a hoax? Why?”

And, the most important question of them all: Where exactly is Jimmy Hoffner buried?!”

Why are these good questions to ask? Because, when they are answered, and especially when they’re continued with more questions, they raise our understanding of ourselves, the physical world, and metaphysical states. They promote dialog between ourselves and others, and they’re quite crucial for self-integration and emotional awareness, two things which greatly help with our well-being!

Final Thoughts 

I feel like I missed some important questions. If I did, please tell them to me in the comments below!

Also, while being curious has been extremely beneficial to me in more ways than I care to explain, I do recommend taking care of yourself and stopping if you feel like you’re getting a bit too curious. 🙂

Conclusion 

Thank you so much for reading my post! I’m truly grateful to spend this time with you, and I’ll see you later! 🙂

Intro

Not everyone had the perfect childhood, but it’s rare to find someone who had a childhood quite like mine. I truly don’t mean that in an egotistical way, but in a melancholic way – I want people I can relate to, not say “I had a worse childhood than you did” to!

The time has come to write this post, and usually I hope my memory will serve me well… This time I know it will.

The Overall Situation 

Here is a general perspective on my life growing up:

From ages 0-18 I lived in my parent’s house. Both parents stayed together for the entire time, and I lived with 3 siblings. My parents proclaimed themselves to be protestant Christian, and we were homeschooled the entire time we lived there.

They “proclaimed” themselves to be Christian, but in reality my father displayed traits of a cold, unloving narcissist and my mother displayed traits of a manipulative, smothering, overprotective, traumatized, anxious woman for the entire 18 years I lived in their home.

This meant mandatory compliance instead of mutual respect. This meant no free thinking allowed. This meant I had to believe what they believed, and if I didn’t I was seen as someone to be converted instead of loved. This meant I stayed at home most of the time since they didn’t have a lot of money/didn’t want to be bothered. This meant having to constantly deal with two parents in emotional turmoil with almost no breaks whatsoever. The list goes on and on…

But, perhaps worst of all, it meant my siblings hated me since I (somehow) kept an individual identity throughout all of this. They liked my parent’s values (some of which included silence and compliance), and hated me when I displayed the values I held which were the opposite (like expressing my emotions and doing my own thing without worrying if I was complying or not).

Home life was extremely damaging, but not in a physical way, in a way much more subtle than that – when I left the home I had little to no identity of my own, I was scared of everything and everyone since I had almost no exposure to the outside world on my own, I had no marketable skills, and very few friends that still lived in the area. I was emotionally distraught, depressed, insecure, sad, fearful, and angry with little reason to feel good about myself at all – or, that’s how I saw it with my limited perspective.

One totalitarian narcissist and one traumatized manipulator – I don’t remember feeling loved at all. They would say, “love is in the motions, it’s not exactly a warm feeling all of the time,” but then why didn’t they work to change themselves? Why did they continue buying us crappy food? Why didn’t they let us live our own lives for a bit by going to public school? Even if they stuck to their own definition (which I don’t fully agree with) they still didn’t try to act it out.

Specific Examples 

-I don’t remember this, but my grandma tells me that she would be holding me as a child, my father would come home, and that he would take me away from her while saying, “this is my son. You don’t get to hold him.”

-When I was 6 I remember being in Sunday school, and the teacher was telling us something about God. I raised my hand and asked something to the extent of, “what is God? How do we know he’s real?” The teacher didn’t give me an adequate response so I went home and asked my parents. They replied with (paraphrasing), “aren’t you too young to be asking those kinds of questions?”

-From 6 to 18 I remember being overly scolded and shamed because I was trying to live a free life. I was also scolded because I expressed a lot of anger that was being generated because of their suppressive ways.

-Sometime before my teen years I remember my mother having a moment of clarity. She was punishing me for something ridiculous, and she started punishing herself as well. Both of us were crying pretty bad. The change didn’t last, she went back to her old ways pretty quickly.

-At 13-14 we were being sat by a babysitter. We loved her because she was a good person, and she was okay with letting us be normal children. My parents came home, however, and my father noticed that we were acting ‘rambunctious,’ so he yelled, “sit down! We leave for a few hours and you guys start acting like gorillas!” The anger in his voice was so intense that we were even afraid of going to the bathroom lest he punish us for getting up.

-At 14-16 my father and I were arguing about something. I don’t remember what it was, but I remember I was in the right. We were arguing from across the room, and I said something especially incriminating. He stormed over, put his face 2 inches from mine, and produced the most menacing growl he could possibly manage. He didn’t touch me, though – at least he was smart enough to refrain from going to jail.

-15 was when I began my journey towards “becoming cool” as well as meeting (and remembering) normal, healthy men. We went to a family reunion and I met one of my 2nd cousins, and my other 2nd cousin’s husband. They were some of the first men who I compared my father to, and that was when I started to see what was really going on.

-At 15-18 I watched porn for the first time. My parents believe that porn is wrong/sinful, but instead of handling the situation healthily they grounded me for 6 months and told me to never do it again. All I had to lose were my video games, but those were my life due to the suppressive nature of my parents… I got caught again after that, so they put a filter on the internet, when I found my way around that, they grounded me permanently (until I moved out of the house). 

-At 16-17 they tried to enlist me in the army, without my consent. Thankfully it didn’t happen!

-At 17 I tried cannabis for the first time. Instead of my parents applauding me for going against the law and ingesting a healthy plant they said “no drugs,” and it was part of the reason for my permanent grounding.

I remember vague parts of other things that happened, but these are the main ones. 

Why My Childhood Was So Detrimental 

You may be wondering, “gee, there must have been some good times, right? There’s no way any God-loving mother and father could be so bad, right?”

We did go places occasionally, and we shared some laughs here and there, but the good times were few and far in-between – most of my time with them was terrible, and most of the “good times” were tainted to the point of no repair, at least with the positive power I had then. I certainly can’t remember any specific examples besides a few field trips where I got to break away from my parents.

Anyway, I want to derive some value out of my parent’s mistakes, so I’ll list the reasons why their parenting was so terrible:

-Free thinking wasn’t encouraged or allowed.

-The “mandatory compliance” mindset left no room for input from the children. What they said went, and this has never been an effective way to parent.

-Suppressing children’s desires is detrimental because doing that doesn’t make their desires go away, and smothering them is detrimental because they don’t get to leave and build their own life.

-The unwillingness to change their ways, even if they could see their ways weren’t working, was a gigantic issue.

-The intensity of their fear, anger, and sadness affected us kids very greatly. Anyone who has major emotional issues shouldn’t be having kids unless they’re consciously improving/realizing themselves!

And, when it really boils down to it, the lack of love, trust, and mutual respect was the worst of it all. “You need to respect me and I don’t need to respect you.” “You need to reciprocate because I feed you and clothe you.” “I can’t trust you if you don’t comply.” “You need to be just as afraid and angry as I am.” All of these base beliefs were largely unspoken, but intensely felt in my childhood, and they’re extremely damaging to a young child’s psyche. Please, I beg you, love your children, trust them, and respect them!

What I Did About It!

This is my favorite part of the post since I get to feel all giddy and excited about sharing my solution to this dilemma!

When I was 16 I threw myself into the world and got my first job. I worked at the same place (a semi-cutthroat kitchen) from 16-19, learning how to work and properly interact with other people. I gained some valuable experience and wisdom while I worked there, some of which I’ll never forget.

When I was 18 I ingested psilocybin mushrooms for the first time… They helped me heal immensely, and they helped me form a new, healthy perspective on life as a whole. More than a dozen psilocybin/LSD/DMT trips followed in the span of 1 ½ years or so, all of which were extremely helpful.

When our company went bankrupt I moved to Texas and began working at a country club while sleeping in my car. I learned what it was like to start over, with no friends or family, and make it without any help whatsoever. This was when I began listening to Terrence McKenna and doing some psychological healing.

When I learned the job was a sinking ship I moved to east Texas looking for a job. I submitted 99 applications in a month, and didn’t hear back from any of them – except one in Austin, TX to be a Favor delivery driver. 

I moved to Austin and began working there. I learned the entire city like the back of my hand, I learned how to be a self-starter (since I was working as an independent contractor), I learned how to be business-like and professional. It was my first time living in any city so I learned how to transition well, I learned how to make it without friends or family, but most importantly, this was when I really started the sorting out of my mental faculties. It’s where I saw Jordan Peterson for the first time, it’s where I discovered Jung’s and Niechieze’s work, it’s where I had many of my revelations and spiritual experiences, and it’s where I started to think critically about my mental state and really change it for the better. I was still sleeping in my car.

Now I’m almost 22, and I can successfully say I’m a strong, healthy person. I’m hardworking, charismatic, I can write, speak, and think, I can stand up for myself, I’m confident, I can love, and I have a passion for life! 

So, if you’re like me and had to suffer through that or worse, I only encourage you to throw yourself into the fire like I did if you’re certain you can handle it. Otherwise I encourage you to change your mindset first and do everything you can to develop your sense of self. That’s what a narcissist doesn’t want you to have, after all!

I don’t want you to think I’m victimizing myself because I’ve moved past the bullcrap. I’ve taken care of the damage they delt and I’m a very strong person now! I write this post so that we can relate to each-other and help each-other while we’re in similar situations.

Final Thoughts

I have a sneaking suspicion that no one will believe what I say, even though it is the truth. But then another part of me says not to worry about it, since it’s the truth.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m screwed for life because something will pop up from my subconscious and seem immovable, but I always disidentify from it and heal that too! All wounds can be healed, even though astrology says otherwise!

I wish I had a normal life. I wish I didn’t know the things I know, I wish I didn’t have to go through what I went through, I wish I wasn’t like this! Why? Because even my dreams are so intensely positive that I feel terrible not being able to bring it into the world and share it with others!

And, tell me, is my life going to be smooth from here on out? What’s next?

Conclusion

Thank you so, so much for reading! It’s very therapeutic to write all of this out, and hopefully you derive value from it on one level or another. I’ll see you in the next post!