Gabriel Mohr

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What Judgment Is, And How To Handle It

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Quick Facts

-Judgment is the process of gathering information and coming to a conclusion or decision, and usually, the end result is based on commonly accepted law and/or morality. 

-The fear of judgment goes back to our primal days – if we were negatively judged we were thrown out of the tribe, and back then, we couldn’t survive the harsh elements on our own.

-Some judgments are grounded, which means they are based on physical evidence that is obvious to others. Some judgments are ungrounded, which means they’re either false or of things that are subtle and/or the evidence is not obvious to others.

-Becoming a stellar judge yourself (not necessarily in the legal sense) is a great idea if you’d like to counteract the bad judges that are out there!

Intro

Today we’re going to dissect judgment and see it for what it really is! We’ll also be taking a look at the fear of judgment, since this is what plagues many of us today, and we’ll figure out how to resolve it! Enjoy the read!

The Beginning

Negative judgment (especially when it is subconsciously acted out) is one person (or a group of people) acknowledging another person (or a group of people) and rejecting them for one reason or another. This can be extremely hurtful for everybody involved, the judger and the judged alike, and it’s driven many people into isolation, anxious states of mind, and sometimes even suicide.

Positive judgment has some underlying problems as well; if we judge something in a positive manner that means we automatically (and often subconsciously) negatively judge its opposite. This is the same for negative judgment; if someone negatively judges something in a negative manner they automatically positively judge the opposite. With the duality exposed, we can begin to realize the truth about judgment, but it’s required to go far more in-depth than I have so far.

What Is Judgment, Exactly?

The first thing that’s important to note is that it used to have a major impact on the life of an individual when humanity was in a much earlier stage in its development. If an individual did something that was against the tribe’s well-being the tribe would judge him/her and forge a punishment for them based on whether or not they felt like they should. If an individual was exiled from their tribe they would eventually die since you needed your tribe in order to survive the harshness of the times. This fear of rejection (aka being negatively judged) seems to have carried over into the modern-day seeing as we take both happenings very seriously, more seriously than most other life events.

While the word “judgment” seems to point to a feeling that’s felt when we see the word “rejection,” and since “judgment” also doubles as an abstract concept that describes the process of one person or group of people accepting or denying another person or another group of people based on their requirements for acceptance, we already have the second thing to know about judgment; people accept or deny based on their own requirements for acceptance. You can go into an interview and absolutely crush it, but as long as the interviewer sees that you don’t meet their expectations (even if they’re hidden or unknown) you won’t get the job. This is the same with a mate, a friend, a business comrade, a family member, etc etc. 

The third thing to know about judgment is that it shouldn’t just be brushed aside. If someone rejects you or judges you in a passive or openly harsh manner that probably means there is something about you that’s negatively affecting everybody else around you. This may not be the case (we’ll talk about that in more detail below) but it’s always best to ask yourself if what they’re saying is true and to answer yourself honestly. If you find it difficult to answer yourself honestly then that may be (at least part of) the problem.

Grounded Judgment vs. Ungrounded Judgment

You may remember a previous post that discusses the differences between grounded and ungrounded anxiety/confidence. Judgment works the same way; the act of judgment itself can be either grounded or ungrounded and the feeling of rejection can also be grounded or ungrounded. Distinguishing between the two kinds of judgment is crucial if we’re going to learn how to deal with harsh judgment.

Let’s say that a couple is having a fight and one of them is sensing “defeat” coming around the corner. If the individual is immature they may throw out a random insult that has nothing to do with the subject they’re fighting about; “you know, my ex was better than you. Maybe I’ll go back to them.” This is a harsh blow to the face; Person A just made a general judgment on Person B about their entire being summed up in one single sentence. The fight would probably continue with something like that going unnoticed but this is ungrounded judgment at its finest. 

We can spot ungrounded judgment by placing any judgment we come across with this particular filter; the more a judgment is meant to serve the judger and not the judged the more of an ungrounded judgment it is. Obversely, the more a judgment is meant to serve the judged and not the judger the more grounded in reality the judgment is. 

This is where it gets tricky. Everybody is selfish and has selfish intentions (whether the intentions are realized or not), so one might be tempted to say that all judgments are ungrounded and that judgment itself is something to “awaken” from. It is important to note, however, that our long-ago ancestors were properly able to survive based on a series of judgments that distinguished poisonous from healthy, safe from dangerous, hot from cold, etc etc, and so I argue that grounded judgments in the modern day are just as important as they were when we were simply surviving as a species. Let’s take a look at this example below to see what I mean.

We have John, Linda, and Thomas, three fictional characters in a fictional scenario. John and Linda have been dating for just over a year when Linda starts noticing something strange about John; he’s becoming more aggressive, more paranoid, more controlling, and more uncaring as the relationship moves forward. She starts to become concerned with this so she goes into his room and tries to find out what’s wrong; maybe she’s expecting a prescribed medication, or maybe a booze bottle hiding in a drawer somewhere, but she didn’t expect him to be looming over the doorway when she turned around because she didn’t know that he was coming home from work early that day.

Starting to become frightened she hires a private investigator named Thomas to help her find out why John has been acting this way. Thomas looks into his life away from home and reports that John has started going to the stripper clubs in the musty part of their town. This includes sex (which he aptly pays for), drugs, (which are normally given to him for free), and lots of promises that he’ll get a lot more if he comes back next weekend. John confesses to these faults and now Linda has the capability to make a grounded judgment as to what should happen between them as a couple.

She begins by thinking that it’s over between her and John, but she suddenly remembers something about John’s past; the last time she went to visit his parents for the holidays, she noticed that his dad was an overbearing, overly strict alcoholic who could loosen up a little bit. When she asked John about it in private he said that his father was always like this and that he never gave his children any respect unless they brought him a beer.

Then she remembers the time when John broke down crying and admitted his feelings for another woman who was in his life at the time. He never went with her but the implication that Linda wasn’t enough for him stuck with her for a long time.

Finally, she remembers a time when she found a bag of cocaine in his drawer. When she brought the bag to his attention he admitted that he had been taking the drug two weeks before she found the bag and that he’ll stop using it immediately.

Each memory Linda has let her become more and more capable of a grounded judgment for the situation at hand. She decides that John obviously has a core issue with his self-worth based on what happened in the past; she decides that he’s in a lot of emotional pain and that he is somebody who needs to be helped, not hurt. Instead of a nasty breakup that has the potential to hurt John even more than she decides to break apart from John with the promise that she will help him in any possible way she can while he gets himself together as an individual.

While this may not be the best decision it certainly wasn’t the worst decision, and the reason for this is because she made it based on real-life events that happened between them while keeping John’s own well-being in mind instead of making a snap judgment that could have proven hurtful instead of helpful. 

How To Handle Judgment Properly

Now that we’re aware of the two types of judgment it’s important to note that no judgment is completely grounded and no judgment is completely ungrounded. Most judgments will be a mixture of the two, and it’s our job to take a judgment that has been thrown our way and decide if it’s more grounded than ungrounded or vice versa. In other words, learning how to handle judgment is the same as being a good judge as to whether or not the judgment was accurate or inaccurate and then taking action based on your decision. Since this is the case it’s vital to learn how to judge people/situations properly, we do this by being aware of the reality in which we live.

We don’t need to be aware of every single grain of sand on the entire planet in order to be a sound judge, but we do need to be aware of what’s happening in the situation at hand and be willing to consider the well-being of everyone involved if we’re going to be a grounded judge.

I’m certainly far from perfect in this area of life; I find myself making snap judgments and ungrounded accusations about the people around me throughout the day, and it’s something I’m in the process of changing. For those plagued by the judgment of their friends/family/acquaintances, however, it’s important to become a grounded judge and you can do this by asking the question, “Why do these people keep saying or doing the things they do? Don’t they know it’s hurting me and probably everyone else around us?”

When this question is followed through (which may require some proper investigation into your judger’s past depending on who they are) you will then have enough information and confidence to make a grounded judgment about the individual/group in question and you will have an easier time deciding if their judgment is grounded or ungrounded.

The more you are able to distinguish between grounded and ungrounded judgments (I.E., which judgments are hurtful and which judgments are helpful) the more your confidence grows. The more your confidence grows the more negative judgments tend to become “swallowed” by your confidence. The more negative judgment that’s “swallowed” by your confidence, the less you will be negatively affected by it. Then you’ll feel better about yourself in general and you’ll have an increased capacity to help others get to the same place as well.

Conclusion

Judgment can be harsh, and the solution probably wasn’t what you were expecting (I sure didn’t expect it to be like this), however it is a relatively simple solution to a pressing issue in American society. I hope this post helped you answer your question, have a great day!

On Disidentifying From Thoughts and Feelings

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Quick Facts

-We can ‘disidentify’ from thoughts and feelings! This helps us take control of and change the subconscious parts of ourselves that aren’t good for us.

-Doing this for every thought and feeling that controls us gives us a kind of peace, enjoyment, and self-control that is unrivaled!

Intro

Sometimes our thoughts and emotions get the better of us, and we don’t know why we think and feel the way we do. Disidentifying from these thoughts and emotions is an amazing way to analyze and control them so that they work for us instead of the other way around. Read on to find out more! Enjoy the article!

The Basic Info!

It’s very common to have an image that we like to have for ourselves and put out to the world. Some of us identify with our favorite sports teams, some of us with the state we’re from, some of us with certain phrases that stuck with us from childhood, some of us with the things we own, some of us with our bodies, our minds, our friends, our family… The list of possibilities is infinite.

When we say that “so-and-so has a big ego” we’re pointing out that so-and-so identifies with their set of particular thoughts and feelings very closely, and if you say anything that sounds like you might be devaluing any of their favorites they’ll defend themselves as if you personally attacked them with the intent to hurt them (depending on how closely they’re identified with such thoughts/feelings).

Of course, if you’re identified with something you can always disidentify from it. It can be difficult to fully disidentify from some of the things you’ve identified with over the years (especially if you brought them on as a child) but we’ll go through why you should disidentify and how you can disidentify.

It’s important to note that disidentifying from thoughts and feelings, in particular, doesn’t mean you’re suddenly free from feeling these thoughts and thinking these feelings. The opposite is the case; disidentifying from a thought or a feeling will often increase its intensity for a short while, but instead of this thought/feeling happening in the background without your conscious knowledge of it, it can be fully observed and seen/felt for what it is. Once a subconscious process is seen for what it really is it no longer has any control over your thoughts or feelings, and every subconscious process disidentified from is one step closer to peace. It’s also important to note that you can only disidentify from thoughts and feelings – attachment to physical objects, people, and activities aren’t possible, it’s only possible to identify with and disidentify from the thoughts/feelings that are produced by such people/things/perspectives/activities. 

How To Disidentify From Your Thoughts and Beliefs

From what I can tell there are three ways to approach this. The first and easiest way is to disidentify from something when it pops into your mind, even if you didn’t consciously search for it. This can be anything from a thought (“boy I hate it when so and so doesn’t do the dishes”) to a physical object that produces an emotional reaction (“that gun looks scary”) to an entire perspective that provokes a bothersome feeling (“what’s the point of life anyway?”). How you disidentify from the subject in question is you form a coherent sentence (“I hate it when such and such doesn’t vacuum the carpet”) and you think of a coherent sentence that is meant to separate your conscious self from whatever you’re disidentifying with (“I choose to disidentify from that thought”).

Sometimes an emotion or a thought may pop up that you have trouble putting into words; if/when this happens it’s important to stop what you’re doing and focus your energy into putting the feeling/thought into a sentence. Once you’re able to fully articulate the feeling/thought it will be much easier to see it for what it is, and therefore it will be much easier to disidentify from it. Again, the point is to feel the feeling and/or think thoughtfully, not turn away from it.

The second way is by consciously searching for things that bother you and disidentifying from them. This can be tricky since you cannot find what you’re looking for by thinking in a linear, direct path; if you wish to search for subconscious forces you’ll have to let your mind take you wherever it wants to go, and the thought/feeling you end up with may not be the one you set out to find, but it will probably still need to be disidentified from nonetheless. For example, you might set out to find the root of your anxiety but your mind may take you to the root of some unexpected sadness instead, and it’s best to go along with it and feel what your mind takes you to instead of resisting it with your conscious intention.

The third (and possibly best) way is by utilizing your dreams to clearly see the parts of you that you need to separate from. I had this happen just last night – I had finished eating pizza before I went to sleep, and in my dream, I was in the car with a very fat man who was eating everything he was given by other people in the car (mainly donuts). What I learned is that there’s a part of me that likes to eat without caring about the consequences, and since I didn’t disidentify from it had more or less controlled me up until the next morning when I woke up and properly disidentified from it.

Either path you take, any thought/perspective you want to disidentify from must be done consciously. After you’ve expressed conscious intention to disidentify from xyz there will probably be resistance in the form of thought and/or feeling – after all, you’ve kept this part of you for a long time and it’s served you well, why should you give it up? However, staying awake and aware will allow you to fully process the subconscious thought/feeling, and you’ll either feel worse (which simply means there’s more work to do) or you’ll feel better (which means your job is done, at least at the moment). Both results are fantastic, and doing this even once in your life will bring you one step closer to genuine peace.

This is also known as “integration.” Disidentifying from and fully processing thoughts or feelings is the same as consciously acknowledging the parts of yourself that you neglect and integrating them into your life.

Why Is Disidentification Important?

Chances are you get angry and anxious. Everybody gets angry and anxious at one point or another, but there is something we can do to help this. If you’re a clinically healthy person (in other words if you haven’t been clinically diagnosed with general anxiety disorder or any of its variants) chances are you get angry and/or anxious because, somewhere down the line, someone has threatened a part of you that you’re identified with and you feel the need to defend it/yourself. If you have been clinically diagnosed then you’re probably going to need more help than I can provide in this post; however, it’s possible this may help you (the clinically diagnosed) as well, I’m not entirely sure.

Disidentifying will also help you find your bliss (some might say “source” or your “center”). Imagine what it would be like if you disidentified from everything you’ve identified with along the way? If you did this you wouldn’t be afraid of death, and if you aren’t afraid of death you are truly free. As a side note, try disidentifying from the fear of death; it’s very hard, but the benefits are endless.

Lastly, disidentifying from your “favorites” helps open your mind so that you can see the psychic processes that go on within you. This is part of finding your bliss but I put it as a separate benefit because it’s an entire journey in and of itself, one that’s certainly worth completing due to the massive amounts of meaning felt while discovering such things.

Becoming less angry and anxious? Becoming blissful? Opening your mind to the reality inside of yourself? If you want all of these things, you can buy my overpriced book that beats around the bush for 3/4s of the time and gives you a useless solution at the very end! Only $49.99! Buy now!

What Should You Disidentify From?

Everything that bothers you, and everything that’s detrimental to you. If you feel dull, sad, angry, anxious, etc and you don’t know why there’s usually something you haven’t fully realized that’s trying to come into conscious attention, and that is what you disidentify from. You shouldn’t worry about disidentifying from the “wrong” things because anything you feel the need to disidentify from is worth disidentifying from for one reason or another, and you’ll know exactly what they are once you begin the process for yourself.

Is There Anything Else?

I’ve done my best to provide the concept of disidentification in this post, but the felt reality of it can only be experienced if you try it out for yourself. And so I close with the promise that this path does eventually lead to bliss even though it is the path less traveled, and even along the way you will begin to feel complete and realized as a true individual. Have a wonderful day! 

Confidence and Anxiety are Polar Opposites, and Why It’s Important to Balance the Two

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Quick Fact

-Just like light and day, confidence and anxiety are total opposites on the emotional scale!

Intro

I’m making a bold claim by saying that confidence and anxiety are polar opposites, just like black and white, masculine and feminine, light and dark. However, we’ll look at the definition of these two words and we’ll see what I mean!

The Definitions

Confidence is described as, “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances,” or as “faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way.”

Already, we can see an upside and a downside to confidence. It’s important to be aware of the power and ability you actually possess since it helps give you a sense of self (aka ego), which is a very healthy feeling if it stays at this level.

The real trouble comes from taking the second definition too far; overestimating our own abilities or potential leads to too much ego, which is really where it gets its negative connotation from. If we have too much ungrounded faith or belief in ourselves, especially if we’re trying something new, or if we’re out of our element in any given situation, then we come off as brash, arrogant, egotistical, unapproachable… You know the type.

The definition of anxiety is “Apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill,” or the medical definition, “an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with it.”

In other words, there are situations involving certain things, thoughts, or people that we aren’t confident enough to move through; sometimes we don’t believe in our own abilities and that produces a feeling that we call ‘anxiety.’

‘Grounded’/’Ungrounded’ Anxiety and ‘Grounded’/ ‘Ungrounded’ Confidence

Sometimes, however, we feel anxious because we really don’t possess the knowledge, skillset, or capability to work through a situation properly. If someone decides to learn construction as a trade then they won’t feel so great if they switch their career and become a chef simply because they don’t possess the skillset to work in such an industry and make money. (He might have learned to cook beforehand of course but let’s say he didn’t for the sake of time.)

This kind of anxiety isn’t something that goes away from him just because he reads a blog article; it slowly transforms into confidence as he learns the skillsets needed to be able to work and thrive in a kitchen.

It’s important to know whether your confidence and anxiety are grounded in reality or not. If you’re like me and you feel a pang of anxiety because you’re about to go to work, then the anxiety isn’t very grounded in reality because I’ve been doing the same kind of work for a year and a half now, and I’ve been through enough to know I’ll make it through the day. If, though, I’m hanging off the edge of a cliff about to die and an avalanche starts to shoot down towards my face… Well, that’s a shot of adrenaline I’ll actually need to find a hidey-hole somewhere!

I mention this because I see a lot of people (especially young men) who are very, very anxious for no apparent reason whatsoever. Sure, most of the time I don’t know anything about their personal life, but what I do know is that they’re in a safe place at that moment with thoughts and/or feelings bothering them about either past or foreseen future situations. I call that ‘ungrounded anxiety’ simply because they aren’t confident in their actual capabilities to make the situation happen as they want it to.

If you are capable of doing something and/or making it turn out the way you want (whatever “it” might be) then there’s no reason to feel anxious about that particular circumstance. If you’re feeling anxious about something and you really don’t have the skillset to overcome it then I call that “grounded anxiety.”

Instead of running away from it (by medicating yourself or otherwise), it’s best to find the skill set you need to build and build it up enough to take care of the situation properly. Slowly, over time, grounded anxiety turns into grounded confidence whether we’re conscious of it or not.

“Grounded confidence” is confidence based on actual ability. If someone is confident in their ability to build a house because they’ve been building houses for 40 years then they have grounded confidence when it comes to building houses.

“Ungrounded confidence” is when someone creates confidence with their mind, out of nowhere!

For example, if someone tells you they can build a house but don’t have any actual experience building a house then it’s very possible that they’re operating from a place of ungrounded confidence. These kinds of people can seem egotistical, arrogant, etc, even though this isn’t a fundamentally unhealthy aspect of life – ungrounded confidence can be an amazing thing to manifest!

What About Medical Disorders?

If someone is diagnosed with something like GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) chances are it can be linked back to a traumatic event(s) that happened early on in that person’s life. I should mention I’m not a licensed professional and that if you feel anxious all of the time you should try more conventional methods of helping yourself (like seeing a therapist/psychiatrist) before reading the rest of this post.

If you have been medically diagnosed with any kind of anxiety then it’s important to know that you are the one who’s producing it. You may be thinking, “That’s not very fair, I was born with a chemical imbalance in my brain that has to be regulated with medication” or something along those lines, but you are the one who is keeping your reality the way it is, even if you’re using your subconscious mind to do it.

This kind of thinking might be confusing to most so I’ll explain further; I am merely pointing out that the part of you that circulates your blood, grows your bones, pumps your heart and digests your food isn’t something that is beyond your control, it is exactly what you are doing at this moment!

This means that if you have a genuine medical disorder that cannot be transcended by introspective questioning and intuitive back-tracking, it is still a part of you and it is keeping the medical disorder the way it is. This means that it is your responsibility to help yourself in the best way that you can, although this is certainly easier said than done.

To end this relatively short post, I’ll say that grounded anxiety and grounded confidence are both healthy when experienced in their due amounts; we do enjoy learning new things and perspectives after all! However ungrounded anxiety should be identified as such and changed into its grounded version, or disidentified with and healed/changed into another feeling.

Why? Because if we find out where our ungrounded anxieties lie then we can realize that we don’t need to worry about them, which will provide more energy to build the skillsets to turn grounded anxiety into grounded or ungrounded confidence!

Also, if we are lacking in confidence we can produce it with our mind and have it that way!

Conclusion

Thank you for reading! I’m truly grateful for your presence, and I’ll see you in the next article!

What If The Conventional Methods Fail? Depression, and Some Unique Ways To Approach It

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Quick Facts

-We don’t know a lot about how depression works.

-Unique and personalized methods can help cure depression.

-Breaking depression into smaller chunks makes it much easier to heal.

-We can use our depression as a “base” to build our advanced mindset, and ultimately, our better life!

-Trauma and depression can be the same problem.

-“Presence training” can get us out of our minds, thereby rejuvenating our mental energy, which we may then use to cure our own depression.

-Depression can be a lack of purpose. Find your purpose!

-Diving into philosophy and spirituality because you desire healing and/or an escape can and should be used to your advantage.

-As far as depression is concerned, perspective, beliefs, and attitude are everything!

Intro

In this post, we’ll be approaching depression from a unique angle, since I had to do so in order to help myself. I’ll be outlining some unconventional methods that worked for me, and some perspectives that will hopefully aid you in your quest to take control of your mind. Enjoy the article!

Destroyer of Lives

Depression. The word carries a heavy, ominous weight to it, almost as if it were damning in and of itself.

Even just writing about it gives me the chills as I remember how massively depressed I used to be. I used to be on the brink of suicide – every night I hoped that some belligerent drunk guy would kill me in my sleep, and every morning I woke up disappointed when nothing happened.

Seeing multiple therapists, having undying support from my friends and family, and otherwise being in the company of wise, brilliant, and amazing people didn’t help me at all. I still found myself on top of a five-story garage and debating with myself on whether or not it was high enough to do the job, and since I decided it wasn’t going to work I was ready to try Plan B, C, and D in hopes of relieving myself from my excruciating pain.

Nothing could help me, nobody could give me advice that was any good, and I couldn’t see any way out of a life of terrible misery and torment… Forever. It was bad.

How Is The Brain Involved?

After all, isn’t depression caused by genetic predisposition, low serotonin levels, weak nerve cells, and a small hippocampus? The answer is, we don’t really know yet.

Let’s take a quote from Harvard’s post about depression to demonstrate what I mean; “Researchers have learned much about the biology of depression. They’ve identified genes that make individuals more vulnerable to low moods and influence how an individual responds to drug therapy. One day, these discoveries should lead to better, more individualized treatment (see “From the lab to your medicine cabinet”), but that is likely to be years away. And while researchers know more now than ever before about how the brain regulates mood, their understanding of the biology of depression is far from complete.”

I recommend reading the full article to find out how little we actually know about curing this dis-ease.

Something we think we know is that the brain’s ability to regulate mood plays a big part in whether or not someone is feeling depressed. A fairly large list of neurotransmitters and their functions can be found in the post I linked above, including norepinephrine (which restricts blood cells, increases blood pressure, and may trigger anxiety), serotonin (which helps regulate sleep, appetite, and helps in inhibiting pain. Research suggests that serotonin may be linked to low serotonin levels), glutamate (which is believed to play a role in bipolar and depression), and a few others. If one or more of these neurotransmitters (serotonin being the most popular by far) aren’t communicating as much or as fast as they should be then we think it plays a part in how well your brain can regulate your mood.

The reason I’m putting emphasis on the fact we don’t know isn’t to disrespect the people who put have put long, hard hours into this kind of research, but rather because we simply don’t know, and the fact we don’t know must be known. The body is a very complicated biological machine that we don’t have a manual for, so we can expect to make some mistakes and some wrong turns along the way as we write it ourselves.

What Does This Mean?

If you (or someone you know) has/have tried everything modern society has to offer with no relief then you’re probably wondering what the next step is. You may not even know what’s wrong, but it’s very important to know exactly what’s going on before trying to change it.

If you haven’t tried the conventional methods of treating depression (which includes speaking to a therapist, psychologist, and/or psychiatrist), a full examination of the current state of your body to check for any deficiencies, making sure that you do everything in your power to eat, drink, and sleep very well, taking prescribed antidepressant medication, etc then I suggest you do so before reading the rest of this article. Knowledge is power, and if you can find the solution while you still have the power of society behind you then I recommend going down that path as far as you can before branching off and finding your own solutions.

I would also like to point out that I am not a licensed professional in any field that I mention or talk about in this post.

The Word “Depression”

“Depression” is often vaguely thrown around as a word that means “not normal, sad, down, traumatized, negative (she has a negative vibe around her),” or in the case of clinical depression, “incurable torment that needs medication and/or other assistance.”

In other words, the initial assumption for someone who’s depressed is that they aren’t normal and they need some kind of help. Merriam-Webster defines depression as (1) “A state of feeling sad: dejection” (2) a mood disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies.”

There are a couple of others like, “a reduction in activity, amount, quality, or force,” but let’s focus on the first two for the time being since they’re more important.

The second definition puts depression as a “mood disorder” that’s marked by “sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, ” etc. The first issue I have is with the word “disorder;” if you (or someone you know) feel(s) depressed the last thing you want to hear is that your state of being is wrong, out of place, invalid, or something that needs to be “fixed.”

It’s important to know that depression is a state of being; sometimes it’s tightly linked with your body in the cases of biologically-induced depression, and sometimes it’s a psychological state that always seems inescapable, but it is more like a base on which to build your castle, not a pipe that needs repairing.

The second issue I have is we use this one word as a stand-in for all of these different kinds of problems. Usually, if someone has 2 or more of the above mentioned (such as feelings of hopelessness, a decrease in appetite, and trouble sleeping all at once) they’ll be thought of, and probably diagnosed as, depressed by their friends, family, and by their doctor (if they even get a diagnosis from their doctor), and they might get a prescription medication that is supposed to solve all of it.

Well, that’s… Helpful? If the medication works, then yes! For others, like me, it isn’t, especially if you’ve been depressed for years or even decades on end without any hope of being happy or enjoying anything in your life. That’s why I say we take the word “depression” and leave it at the door as we head into the woods and fix the actual problems that make up the word!

Breaking It Into Smaller Chunks

Maybe you’re depressed. Maybe you’re discontent with your life. Maybe you’re thinking “There must be more,” or maybe you’re thinking, “God what’s the point, why am I alive.” If you’re reading this article, chances are you feel discontent on some level and you’re dying to change it.

That’s the first trap we encounter; no matter how much pain we feel, struggling and resisting isn’t going to help us any. That’s why it’s important to take a deep breath and accept your situation exactly how it is the best that you can. You don’t necessarily have to know what’s wrong at this stage, but what you do know is that you want to feel better; the last thing you want to do is sink deeply into a vat of negativity, after all. But, it’s important to truly accept your state of being the way it is before making any effort to change it.

Why you might ask? Because in your depression itself lies the clue to your next step. It’s very possible that accepting your state of being as current, valid, and lovable will provide an image in your mind, or an idea, or a piece of information that’s absolutely necessary for you to feel better about your life. This can be done by simply sitting and doing nothing. The “doing nothing” part is important; you don’t want anything or anyone to bother you while you’re spending quality time with yourself.

If you have a very busy life then you might have to make the time by telling other people off, and that’s very okay! This is your well-being, after all, something that should be taken very seriously at all times.

If you find that you’ve been sitting alone for a long time and you can’t figure it out for the life of you then I suggest expressing your desire to find the root cause(s) of your depression and seeing if any resistances pop up. Words are very powerful – you can repeat certain phrases like, “I wish to heal,” “I want to know what’s wrong with me,” “I deserve to be loved,” “I love myself” and have nasty things come up that probably aren’t even yours.

These resistances might be intense and difficult to feel, but they must be felt and they must be met where they are; that is, they must be accepted as parts of yourself that exist, are valid, and lovable.

Resistances can take the form of a thought, a feeling, an image in the mind, a sound, or even spoken as words. Have you ever given someone a compliment only to have them say, “Thanks, but…” “It wasn’t my best work,” “That’s not really me” or some other variant? That’s a form of resistance against the compliment being thrown their way, for one reason or another.

If you’re depressed and none of the conventional methods have worked for you then checking your mind and your body for resistance is a great first step towards fully realizing your deep-rest-ion. You can subconsciously resist anything from people to food to airplane rides to thoughts and feelings and the more you resist something the more depressed you will feel. Resistance also comes in the disguise of something we all know very well, and that is…

Trauma

Trauma is, in a lot of cases, depression itself. Traumatic events destroy lives, sometimes permanently, even with the help of therapy, medication, and the support of family and friends. There’s no doubt about this.

However, I would like to point out that a “traumatic memory” is simply a memory of an event that was too painful to deal with at the time and has now become suppressed. The memories themselves tend to carry the pain of the experience with them until the person with the memory resolves the issue completely.

Anyone can have a suppressed traumatic memory in their subconscious mind, they can scale in intensity over every person who has ever had a traumatic memory, and that each person will find different events to be traumatic than any other person depending on what they value, what they fear, and how they process present events.

For example, it’s possible for a war veteran to easily process the events that happen on the battlefield but find his wife leaving him to be a traumatic event. It’s possible for a child to be extroverted, outgoing, and boisterous, but find being alone to be too painful to bear (or the complete opposite). Traumatic events aren’t reserved for anybody, and you could very well be dealing with a certain level of trauma that you don’t know about or don’t remember.

If your trauma is prevalent in your mind, however, you can consciously choose to let it play out and accept it for what it is. If that doesn’t help you feel better you can let the memory change into a dream. This is the process of letting your subconscious mind show itself completely, and you may come out of the dream with a completely different feeling than if you replayed the memory in your head as it happened.

To find out if you’re suffering from subconscious trauma it’s very important to consciously make yourself comfortable and choose to revisit the events that happened back then with the maturity you have now. It’s as easy as sitting down and asking yourself, “What do I need to remember?” It’s important to be the person now that you needed at that moment so that you can process the memory/flashback/fantasy/feeling/etc.

It’s also important to have compassion on yourself every step of the way when you revisit traumatic memories, especially if they’re very intense for you. This will probably need to happen more than once (as many times as you feel like it needs to happen) before you are able to fully realize and release a (perhaps several) traumatic memory(ies), but I promise you it can be done.

Psychedelics are a tremendous help in this regard. While they’re illegal in the UNITED STATES I cannot condone their use in any way, shape, or form for my own safety. However, many, many studies have been released, and many, many people have come forth and shared their healing and transformative psychedelic experiences, mainly with psilocybin mushrooms (magic mushrooms), lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD), and dimethyltryptamine (DMT).

The only reason they aren’t seen as valid forms of medicine for treating PTSD and trauma, in general, is simply that most of us don’t understand what these substances really are.

If you plan to take psychedelics as part of your self-therapy then I suggest you do your homework; make sure you and your family don’t have a history of mental illness. Make sure you know what you want to change at this point. Read up on set and setting, choose the right substance, let go of your intentions, and decide what your dosage will be. If you wish to use psychedelics as a tool to help you process your trauma then I recommend taking your time to learn about them before diving in as they can lead to some… Interesting experiences if one is careless with them.

Try Presence Training

Presence training is a name I created to describe the process of learning how to be in the moment. This is what people are doing when they meditate; they’re attempting to become more and more aware of the happenings of the present. However, I don’t recommend you meditate (unless you want to); I recommend that you consciously decide to be in the moment, either in your head or out loud, throughout the day as many times as you can remember.

This is different from revisiting traumatic memories in that you’re paying more attention to everything that’s happening around you in general, the good and the ugly, as opposed to revisiting your painful memories.

If you become aware of everything non-physical happening within yourself (your subconscious thoughts, your mental images, your feelings, etc) as well as everything in your immediate physical environment at the same time you would be a legend amongst us (look at how far Eckhart Tolle has come!) and you’d probably look at trauma as a distant memory.

What If You Need… More?

I do! That’s why I’m writing this post! You could have everything in the world and feel like it’s not enough. It’s pretty common knowledge that famous, rich superstars get depressed, go on drinking or drug binges, and some go off and commit suicide because they have everything (physically) and yet nothing (that fulfills them). It’s very possible that your life doesn’t meet all (or any) of your own personal needs and that you need to add an activity for your own well-being.

If you’re depressed then it may be best to ask yourself, “What do I really want? How can I get it? What do I want to do for me, and how can I find time to do it,” alongside, after, or even instead of bringing up traumatic memories from your past. Filling your life with activities you want to do instead of activities that other people want you to do will certainly help. A lot.

Philosophy and Spirituality

Some people turn to philosophy and spirituality to improve their lives or to escape from the mental hell they live in. Some aspiring philosophers may be tempted to ask questions such as, “What is depression, really? Is it created from my perspective of life, or is it something that’s completely out of my control? What is life, anyway? What is the point of life? Why am I here? And why do I feel so terrible?”

These kinds of questions can be answered, but while that happens the purpose of philosophy must not be overlooked. The purpose of philosophy is to take everything you have learned, question it, play with it, use your mind to make connections between it and the rest of the universe, and eventually come to realize that you are it, aka come into spiritual enlightenment.

Once you are spiritually enlightened, words lose their meaning entirely, and only appear as tools for interacting with other people, if that.

Ok, Now What?

But let’s say you aren’t ready for spiritual enlightenment. I’m certainly not, even though I’ve come a long way from where I’ve started. If you’re like me and you’ve tried many conventional and unconventional ways to treat your depression with no success, you may be wondering, “Geez, what now? Not only did I get up and try to help myself by going to a therapist but I also tried these other things that worked for a little while but didn’t really help me in the long term. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

Now it’s time to mention a word I haven’t said upunto (yes, I just invented a new word, deal with it) and that is “attitude.”

If we take the view of nihilism (which can be boiled down to, “everything is meaningless, there is no purpose, and chaos rules over order) and say it with a gloomy, dead-end attitude then we will have that kind of an attitude towards that kind of viewpoint.

If we then think of the core principle of nihilism with a cheery, optimistic attitude we will have that kind of attitude towards that viewpoint. Try it out for yourself!

Notice how the philosophy hasn’t changed, just the attitude towards it. Once we really realize our power to grow different perspectives on our different thoughts, feelings, mental state, reasonings, etc then we can look at the different causes of our unrest and begin to change them in meaningful and long-lasting ways.

Conclusion

Depression is a monster, that much is for sure. It can ruin lives and families with it’s cruel and unforgiving hand, especially since we’re still learning about it. But, we hold more power than we think – there are a lot of options to seek out and try, a lot of people who are willing to help in any way they can, and a long life of fulfillment and bliss if you’re willing to make well-being your #1 priority in your life.

If you’d like to contact me personally about something you’re going through you can email me at iam@gabrielmohr.com and I’ll help you in any way that I can. Have a wonderful day!